Another Punk's Chapter

Liz Rebel's Photography : A Beautiful Rebellion

2011-12-03T00:35:00.000+08:00

Service, Nothing Personal

2011-12-03T00:11:00.001+08:00

I may have friend, a lot of them. However, I don't feel like I belongs with them. Every blame can be put on me and every single shit or mistake, just point at me. I won't bother unless people could see I'm pointing at them, not blindly. There are friends out there you'll miss, high school is over. I am now free from my studies and searching for college where I could be going. My hope is that I could meet real friend. The one at my school are classmates and just friends, it ain't personal. When it come to party or something else, I rarely being invited. I was forgotten as usual. Even the previous celebration or lately. Anyway, I drop it. Like I said, I won't take it personally. Its just business. I'll come to them when it comes to business. I don't feel like a real friend. I was expecting for something better or more but they gave me less than the others. Less than what I gave them. I wasn't the one who was to blind to see it.

My photographs, I gave them free. Appreciated? Not really. I wasn't even get paid for it except some of them who wasn't so close to me. Anyway, drop it-again.

I hope everyone will be happy out there without me. I'm such a disaster. A real Punk, I am one. The fact is, 'we're always discriminated'. Anyway, it ain't personal. Don't worry, it happened to me already.

Happy Holiday, Liz Rebel : Another Punk's Chapter

A Special For 5s1, A Beautiful Memory

2011-11-01T15:42:00.001+08:00

Home & Memories

2011-11-01T13:46:00.000+08:00

Today was a beautiful day. Its raining outside and that's how it goes to me. Today, people gather together in class with memories which I'm not one part of it. But they were my friends and I was their classmate before. Things change after we went our separate way. This friendships weren't any stronger like we used to had back then. There are some people too who wasn't there with them. I'm just a photographer, I already get used to hide behind my camera instead of standing in front of it and interrupts the others photos. I just couldn't fit in.

A friend of mine, who was the happiest guy to me today was the saddest guy standing in tears. I watched him and noticed the difference that could obviously be seen. That wasn't the person I know anymore, that's a real heart of friendship I'm looking at. Sadly he couldn't be there for these 2 years. It used to be his home but I'm glad to see how people appreciated him. He was one part of them. A beautiful friendship and a beautiful heart.

I took photographs of people and lots of smiles. One day it would be a beautiful memories. For me, I wasn't brave enough to face the outcome. I hate goodbye because if tomorrow I'm going to say it, I would regret it so much. My last wish is I hope I will be remember and I found my home. It didn't matter if I wasn't noticed before at all. This bike glove gets wet when its rain but I never wanna remove it.

Friendship is a pair of shoes with little wings and could set you free and fly away. Treasure it don't matter where your friends are from, don't matter their backgrounds and don't matter how much they treat you. For me, I lost mine before. I'm still searching for my home.

The Next Railway Station

2011-07-04T14:53:00.001+08:00

Start wake up from your very first dream,

You start realize,

It was only a dream.

But the next day you realize it happen for the very first time,

You thought it was something new...

It happen to be new and it also happen to be old but when time goes by again,

You realize nothing much that matter when it was the first.

Because here is the thing when you found someone,

That is really new.

By time...

For the first,

It was the very old one.

But...

It happen to be the first.

Our first mistake.

Our new chapter in the old time when we're chasing for fun

Shit.

We fucked up in the end.

We made them happen like we just don't want to but look upon the sky

and

Watch the light.

You'll see those blue sky which you don't realize,

What we felt could be a lie.

But...

When time goes by,

Its not a lie.

Its an exception.

A new born light behind the old shadow when you speak a voice,

That story couldn't heard.

A new glass of sight when you look out the window,

It only matter what's right.

A new born child when they cry,

They never give up hope to try until they find the right way to live,

To the fullest,

And die,

With permanent respect.

When you woke up from your dream,

You'll see what's real is right,

But the story heard was never to cry.

Because

When the sword falls to the guardian angel,

You'll be safe here from times...

A Little Freedom, To The Bottom Of The Ocean

2011-07-03T22:42:00.001+08:00

Its quite awhile I'm not updating my blog anymore. There are a lot of things been happening to me. Last week, I met with an accident. It was really painful but I thank God, it wasn't any worse than others. The words 'what if''. I'm not gonna use it. I don't wanna expect any worse. Let it be exactly how it was. Today, I made my steps on the floor without any help. All by my own feet. I'm glad I don't need that wheelchair anymore. It was a hard time. Walking is difficult for me even I could walk right now but it wasn't that 'okay', yet. I'll be recover soon. I miss the old time when I kept updating my blog every single day like I'll never run out of idea. Well, I have a lot of 'mouth' to talk. It could about almost everything in life which in my point of view and I hope people would be touched and respect that.

My name, Liz. One unique but simple name for me. What makes it unique is because I'm a guy with a name of a girl in front. Too me, I love that name. Every single time when I hear my girlfriend call my name, its always adorable. I was like ice melting to the bottom of the ground. From that sweet sound of hers calling my name. I love my name, it is the same name with someone I wanna be. That Photographer.

Its already pass a couple of years and its quite a long time I didn't write poems. So here is something new from me again.

"I watch the fish swimming,

With its tail waving like a wedding veil,

I just wanna touch it that comb it,

With my finger,

Like she was wearing her wedding veil.

Song without lyric,

A guy with no voice playing his guitar,

Singing along with his lyrics written on a paper,

His voice was heard from a small whispering heart,

Of his sincerity.

I was tangled by the shadow,

Untangle by her beauty that lights my world,

Tangled with love over her arms,

Not a single word could explain,

Tangled.

Pure,

Is a total white,

Is a total black,

Its totally black and white.

Colors,

Are happiness,

They don't mean to be happy all the time,

Because when a beauty touch the heart,

Red is blood."

Another Destination

2011-06-10T17:48:00.000+08:00

Its not quiet a perfect time lately. So many things has gone into my head. However, nothing has change. Not myself but things lately. I miss my love so much. Its been almost a month we didn't see each other. Its hard to contact her. I could only speak to her by Sunday. Not entirely the whole Sunday. Just for almost a day. Simply hard. Its really lonely without her. I wish I could send my kiss through the wind if its really work but I couldn't put too much hope on that. That won't really actually happen. I wanna kiss her by the lips and hug her over her body. Sadly, we're distance away from one another. I can't wait for her to come home.

I had a chat a couple of minutes ago with someone I respect the most, Liz Arcus. In my eyes, she's an amazing photographer. After the whole chat that went through just now, she's not just an amazing photographer. What I'm gonna say is, she's also a great mother for her child. Thanks for sharing me those stories. I can't wait to hear her brother's songs that will publish soon.

I'm taking steps to move forward and after all the time that past, I really start forgetting more. However, it doesn't matter to me now. I should have left all those things behind and moving forward without even scratching my dreams. I wanna be that amazing in photography. I wanna a great photographer one day. As the matter of fact, its not just about the photography. I gotta live my life to the fullest I could and when time comes I'm gonna left the earth with thousands of respect. Its a tradition in the army or as a person, honor.

"What" figures an answer but my head said what is the answer. It took a long time to understand a lot of things. One thing I'm gonna state here, what if my dreams won't come through. I'm not giving up so soon but it drives us crazy when it comes to this typical questions. I'm gonna be real strong and real brave to be ready for many things that I couldn't be so sure I could face it. However, I wanna be that strong. The man that stands on the same level and status with the others but a person with respects. I gotta be that strong.

I wrote each single days on my diary and I figure a lot of things. One thing I'm wondering, where will I stand in the future? I don't wanna be just successful, I wanna create a new chapter in the history and define to people the meaning of honor & respect. Doesn't matter what way, those things could be seen in two different ways which comes in the bright side or the dark side.

When my girl gets home, I'm gonna be way much more special for her. I wanna complete her life and fill every emptiness inside. It'll be a big surprise. For my love.

The Opening Chapter, Is Just Another Opening

2011-05-14T17:06:00.001+08:00

Its smart searching on my mistake. Blaming every shit on me. Once I wanna say it out something, I've fucked up. Well, I'm suck at talking, explanation or even expressing something. All I did is causing trouble, careless and screwed. Well totally. Really got tongue tied on the end but by the moment I'd said the wrong thing. Damn me but I gotta stand for myself so maybe I could show something so that you would realize it. But the harder that I try to that -really- there is not a chance for me. All I could do is keep on trying but in the end, I give up. Yeah. Liz give up on something, just too hard tor realize or to see it. And now if this is seen, still, nothing is right.

Why did all this happen, cause I was never being tried to be understand but its okay. I myself for my own couldn't explain this shit which never matter to you. I know all the shit I said. I'm sorry. And I won't say anymore after that because all the words are just decoration and you're too strong for yourself and you are too right at every fight. But still, you actually missed one thing each time, and you'll never know with your strength right now and before. Still, I couldn't explain it anyway but I hope that you could try to see it.

This would be final note and after this I would not be saying or telling a shit about it anymore. Just let it be there forever cause you said its always my way but as the matter of fact I know, it never does.

"Its solid like rock,

A three stand blades of fork,

If I hide behind the hidden,

It'll remains hidden and I'll be bully,

And your rebellious heart,

Might have came from me,

but just,

Complicated~"

And none of these will be reach to the heart.

Maybe yes but I don't know if you could see,

What I was trying to show here,

but....

Its not that obvious and why not?

Even if so you won't take the chance to get it.

Never The Less / Same

2011-04-07T22:11:00.000+08:00

It doesn't matter how people look like but how we actually look is us from the inside out. From the hair to the clothes and through our face. I don't wanna be another casualty of society. I wanna break out the whole rules and make this life belongs to where another Punk's chapter which everyone live in. There are people right out there who never notice us but once they do, they really look down to us. Its not just about the style, the clothes we're wearing or the way we look. Its us they look. Its about us. People like me. Hear the song and I bet you that you're one part of it for no doubt.

The music I play is about how much Anarchism lives in this fucking world. When people don't see the right of our song they only figure we're the noise pollution. As the matter of fact, they don't realize they were standing in the same position. Everyone did, we do. We all do. The song I played is all honesty. Everyone could sees that into their hearth themselves once they really do listen to it. If they don't they really just another kid who's sitting behind their dad's new Ford. How sad could that be but who wants to care for those who never care to us.

The music we played is just like how our heart reacts or holds our problems inside. Its harsh and simply crowded. You really just wanna fuck it off and crash it to the ground. The heart is fragile... Once its break, don't ever come see me alive but as the glass is break just sweep it away before it hurts other. I don't give a fuck cause no one did. They will keep you from falling but once you fall, you'll never get to be catch. Every shit goes into our heart and pump together with our blood. Its really gonna splash out our last blood but its never time for us from standing on our feet because we're not dead yet.

When I stand there in front of people, they show no respect. Once I sing, they gone disrespectful. I thought that music should have been a freedom for everyone. Don't matter what you listen. Even to the world most boring song that most people listen is still a freedom even its just because the song is stupidly adorable or criminally a group of dancers who love holding their guns or swords. It doesn't matter. Whatever it is I don't care.

Unexplained Melody

2011-04-03T22:45:00.001+08:00

When you thought you're about to have a heartache, you start looking for your doctor. The only person who is qualify enough to be your doctor is the one you think he or she is. Then its about time when you start wake up from your sleep and let the journey begins for a couple miles away. Everyday repetitive but something missing. There is one chapter at the end of the book which I couldn't stand on. It was the past. The unexplained past. There were stories I made just to paste another but here is one thing I should have said earlier.

"I love her"...

The only girl that remains a secret before until today. The questions are answered. What's here in front the eyes is the truth. Its her I've been waiting so long with lots of jealous. I've waiting and by the second I do people are digging the secrets and they start making story. As the matter of fact I know, this chapter here is about truth. For years I'd been waiting for this person, until the previous year I met her. This year is gonna be a new start again. Way back to the past, it is totally the worst pain ever until I start hating this life. However with all those patients, its worth waiting.

Good man always say "a man who stand with patient comes with a good prize"

I do believe in that, certain things people just don't understand. I'm impatient except for one thing which no one will ever believe or even notice. Her... She's the answer of this book. Its like when you start facing all those shit which you start thinking its about time for you to give up but to face it. You thought you could have defend this before anything happen. The harder that I tried to do it the more I hit the floor. All I could know is how weak am I... How useless am I... How shit I thought I could have been stronger but no... I'm not... I'm a loser back then but still I wanna be hero. I wanna stop this from happening. However, back into the forest, you'll never find a way out.

"I'm not hero, I'm just the guy at the street you never notice before"

If time ever gonna turn back, I can't change anything but I had enough of pain that comes crashing to my heart...

One Last Memory By The Schoolyard

2011-03-23T21:58:00.000+08:00

It was time where the final result of the past seniors announce. It just did. My girlfriend was there, we're both waiting in front of the hall. When it came to her turn she took the result and we were counting on it. She made it to her target and one of the top standard level. I'm proud of her and she went weak leaning on my body and we were hugging each other in front of everyone include those teacher. By that time, they don't bother about it. That feeling came where I felt like fallen deep into that hug. Words could never be enough to explain how but when I fall into that hug, I was crying. I'm happy. Its been so long I'd been alone at school. I really miss the time when we were both keep seeing each other everyday at school but that chances gone. She's graduated from high school. She's moving to go to college and chasing her dream. I felt a little left off behind.

During my class, I couldn't focus. I had this feeling inside of me which I myself couldn't understand it However, it felt like it was like last year when she was always there in the morning where she smiled at me or even hang out with me. I really wanna get myself back there to the past year. Then, I look at the calendar. Shit... I'm not moving backward. Today was the time, I could have that feeling again being by her side and spending the evening together. Not just that, today is our first year anniversary. I was wishing i could give her flower but i just can't get it. However, today is a special day. One of my last chapter with her at school again and our new chapter begins from here.

After school i met her, it was the best time. We ate at the store where we used to be and the same food that we had it before together again. I couldn't get my hand of her at all. I miss her. Real much that no one could imagine. I seems like it was 2010 except a different story. However, it wasn't but it was a new one. Where my girl will be somewhere else one day on searching for her career. Later then, I couldn't hold my tears when she had to leave. I don't wanna say goodbye. I hate it. I don't want those moments to end but it just did. I could do nothing about it. Just hugs & kisses of goodbye with wish to see each other again.

When she left, her touch was pictured in my mind flashed way back to moments ago. I miss my girl so much and i couldn't stop crying. It felt like she'll never be here again because its her final chapter of high school. The hours spent just waiting for my bus and i did walk around at school for a while. Flashed back to the time where she was walking right next to me. If only that could happen again but it felt like it won't happen again here.

The time passed until now. It all felt so soon. It felt like seconds of time spending but forever to wait. As the matter of fact, today is where our new journey begins.

"By time I promised, don't matter what I'll right next to you.
If everyday goes by again the same way I'll be happy for it"

Fairytale Birthday

2011-02-10T23:24:00.000+08:00

"Set me into a fairytale story, where we'll all be the greatest"

Respect should be hold. Each people are different. We're all made as a human. Perfectly born with a complete body. Some they ain't made it done but the harder that we see it, it teach us how to be thankful. Here's a part of a life where everybody spent their youth. I'm still fucking young but I'm a fast learner in things where we're all really don't matter what shit would do. Its not that being young is stupid or idiot. We made mistakes and some they turn into the right side or some they remain choked with those blind mind in them. When mistakes happen again the world ain't seems to be nice but there were time we must learn to beware of things from letting us down especially relationship. The truth is, giving trust ain't that easy but when it came time where we totally see it not in selfish way, that's where we'll all gonna find the key of our heart.

Dark shadow of irreversible mistake couldn't be erase. However we should avoid them from happening. Sometime trust was taken advantage. Giving trust is hard nowadays. This world is too fat of shitty lies. When we're all a children from the step, is how we growing up. Either its too soon or too slow. Some point they gone differently but one thing that I know, a heart is just a glass... We all should taking care of it.

A place where you belong, it don't matter how's it be. I'm a Punk and certain people respect that but a lot of them they don't. Especially the elders where they think I was too young and stupid. They never knew what is Punk like. Have they ever listen to our songs? They are amazing and wonderful way better than listening to some music nowadays with meaningless lyrics and plain. We're not the fallen of the underground and they will never know who on earth are we. All that's done it goes with a reason that no one could understand it. It don't matter because I don't care how they view us all but we're all grow up with it. You can't stop me.

My birthday was yesterday and I made a wish that someday when time comes, I wish I'll be right there standing tall in front of everybody and left a speech with music that reach every single one of our heart. I'll be right there with an honor of respect and love by the strength of my soul where its all connected into my bones. Here's one right there where I'll raise my hand up with with a fist that shows the strength and when it came time we're all do the same then we'll leave and walk out the place like a fairytale ending. By the second I look up to the spotlight, I'll be the greatest of it and I'll be the spotlight. Without looking back, I stand strong and hold my guitar with a microphone. Soon once you go strum, you got the music. As legend said, "you just pick up a chord, go twang, and you're got music" Sid Vicious

"A Bridge Of Marriage"

2011-02-06T02:07:00.000+08:00

I just done my first time ever wedding photo shooting for my teacher. A great experience. Its something really new to me, well since I said "first time of course its new". I'm not gonna write a full story of the wedding progress or events. Here is something I wanna write in this page. Love joint in a Punk chapter. Its how exactly after years of waiting and months of knowing each other, I finally be able to be into a relationship with my dream girl. She's my first love. Until today its been a long time. Soon will be our first yearly anniversary. I met a lot of people just now.

When I saw the couple standing in front of my camera holding their hands together... It was amazing. Its just like how I like to hold girlfriend's hand. Sometime I would side hug her and keeping her safe in my hug. During the wedding, well... I took a lots of photograph.

drawn by jennifer

"When she closed her eyes,

Reaching our lips together,

Our heart speak...

When I kiss her lips,

I'm fallen into a sleep,

Reaching into a dream,

With our eyes closed,

But never our heart"

I'm happy to meet her. Ever since I'm dating with her, she loves the person of me. Not just a look. As I stated that "my girlfriend dates a punk". Well, she did. That was me. Don't matter what, I love her. To the deepest of my heart, I adore her...

I wish I could be by her side... When the dawn is heating I was lonely. When the sun sets, it felt empty without her. I miss her....

Skated Away From The Youth Of Authority

2011-01-27T20:23:00.001+08:00

   Pathetic laugh and idiot smile, definitely maybe. That's the look on my face when I was outside of my class. Even inside too. Staring to the sky, if only I could make myself free with my own wings... If only I could touch the sky and lay down my sword into the sun. All the impossible I wanna do. What if I couldn't make it? I'll stop hoping but I never look down to the ground. As the matter of fact, I never stop believing all those shit I could done. Maybe I might be broken down or misjudged. Don't matter the outcome or crap that's coming. I'll start to stand up in this youth. Sometime we felt like crying, try cry it out sometime. Sometime we felt like we're running from shit but as the matter of fact, there is no point of hiding. A true warrior stands in his shadow and light, it goes black and white.

   Sometime I felt like I was funny but the harder that I try to do that the more it shows how desperate I am. I'm not happy. I wish I can see my girl again and always but there is a drain kept separating us. I miss the old time back to previous year where it begins and cycles. Take my way back I begin to smile, if only that could happen but our days are slipping away. Each day we'll get older and we're never gonna get back any younger. Looking back through photographs I was picturing a frame of love each second of my heart pumps.

   A thick sweater, it never keeps me warm. It does protect me from catching cold but its not the touch of warmth. When I stand up and watch the vision, I was looking through the window. A hug of hers made me gone warm.. I could close my eyes and fall into it, just like how much she'll pick me up every time I fall. I miss all those feelings. The love that keeps me warmth always but in this world that each single time it makes us colder.

   60 miles I've been traveling with a black shadow sword to hold onto and a dark black leather jacket with jean. I'll get onto my feet and start the day of moving like a song. Not expected to be notice but just to shine out the person I am who isn't accepted in this town much. Don't matter what, I'll make no difference and the matter of fact, I need my love by my side...

i miss her

Tell Yourself First

2011-01-16T14:22:00.000+08:00

   Here is the most common thing where we all learn from our teacher but some of it are really silly. Now I'm not mentioning to all of the teacher but some part of them which are actually more than half of them. They say "don't judge the book by its cover". Well I can say the cover not quite like the book. Which those people actually haven't read my book. But right this spot here I'm gonna say those teacher are really stupid where they define Punk. Have they really see who the hell are we? When I say we, I'm saying Punk cause I'm one part of it. Purely. This fellow here define it as rubbish or trash or whatever. I'll say a silly shit is going on. Not just a shit. A lot more. The hair is one symbol of it where you could see all those spikes symbolize gravity. We are rebellion and even try to go against gravity. Why are we doing this? Its not just for fun even we say it that way.

   One reason why we all go against rules is because its silly where we gotta change ourselves for not being how we're suppose to be. We hate rules but we still respect people when we're on their authority so we follow the guide line of the rules. I'm not saying we break rules for fun but rules are meant to be broken sometime. They say we gotta respect them while they don't respect us. Here is a sensitive part where they all view us like a criminal or even killer. Now I'm not just mentioning some teacher but even my own parents and those citizen. Not forget, rich people. The government is one of our enemy because they look down to us. Why must publisher reject our music because its Punk? We're just playing music with honest lyric and why doesn't stupid songs were published? What does those popular song about? I heard even song about sex, money and it could be famous. What the hell are those?

   What is wrong with our music? Have they ever heard of us? Rancid, Sid Vicious, Big D & The Kids Table, The Sex Pistol, The Ramones, Zebrahead and a lot more to mention. All they wanna do is play their music with their own way and sing it to show their anarchism. Its a voice of freedom. Where anarchy represents us stating the property is theft and there should be no master or king. Whose gonna be the king? We're all must have our own right and freedom to choose. Let ourselves decide what we want and we're know what we're doing. Don't compare us with status or money. We're all discriminated but we're not vulnerable because our spirit is one thing which is unbreakable.

   Now to mention it again. When that teacher said Punk are rubbish, doesn't he judge us by the cover? Now I know what people think about us but everybody else gotta see through different eyes from the outside looking in. Now take it a look at me, carefully. Don't rage the anger. I won't give a Punk to anyone but I'll make sure I can play with them with rocks. When it goes that way, everyday is gonna be nightmare. Well, I'm not joking but don't bully us or take it down to us. I know there are not much of people like me but anywhere you see in every country, there are some of us.

   Look at our clothes, hairs and even songs. They are all huge different but its the same because we're all Punk. Every single Punk we all treat them like a family. I respect them. Turn the page of the book, don't just see the label but read it. Read my book.

   As the matter of fact, I know they hate us because we're different. However, we never hate them back because we have our life and they have their own so why would I care? They don't like us is their own business. You can take nothing from me and its better to be me.

“Undermine their pompous authority, reject their moral standards,

make anarchy and disorder your trademarks.

Cause as much chaos and disruption as possible but don’t let them take you ALIVE.”

Sid Vicious (in memory 1957-1979)

Limited Seconds

2011-01-16T00:07:00.001+08:00

This is the part where it'll reach your heart real deep when it come first in line where you meet your girlfriend after quite a long time you haven't meet her. From far you can see she's waiting and you start feeling worry if she's getting upset for you being late but when you're there... It'll reach your heart for the first when she saw you... and smile... Then you start acting funny or silly to light her mood up. By that time you'll get sweet and all you wanna forget is being sad... You start looking at the clock and I can tell you that all you want is to have a great time with her.

Second thing is where you feel very free and all those shit around you'll start ignore. Sometime you even forget. You'll hold your anger and stop all the craps around you by just making her smile. You'll start buying roses or even count every single dollar you got just to spend for her. That's all you wanna do without even she asks for it but that's because you want her to be happy but one thing I know about my girlfriend is the greatest part was being by my side. I need her and always....

Third thing goes when she surprises you with something you didn't expect that time. I just had a great day today and surprised kiss on my cheek. It makes me smile to think of it again and its really cute. I started to feel blush by the same time, I kissed her back. Staring in her eyes, I wish I can forever be reflected in there.

The hardest part was when you gonna say goodbye. I don't like it because I'm not gonna see her again. I'm feeling lonely without her. Where there are so much web of spiders, they are catching things and ate them. Like I was trap and not being able to let go of this and as the matter of fact I know, I'm not limiting myself but I'm not a happy person. Being with her makes me happy. I never smile because I don't feel like it, but when saw her.... I can cry with tears on my eyes. I miss her....

5 hours spent, it felt like a couple of minutes. Its never enough... Really. When you say goodbye it felt like "will I ever see her again?". Once you're home you start sending her a text message then it goes on and on until the night. You'll never get bored doing it over and over again. Right this part here is the part where you start thinking how you wish it could be a lot more longer. I miss her....

The next morning you got up, first you move like a ninja reaching your phone. I got that a lot of time.

"I don't have the money to buy you roses,

But I'll take you to the garden,

And you'll get to be a beautiful butterfly"

A Soluble Summer, I Had Too Much Coke

2011-01-12T20:16:00.003+08:00

A Little Chapter Of The Book, "A Soluble Summer"

   I'm looking for another chapter, funny how it never does. I try to make like it was but the more I do it the little that I know. Until the day today I realize I made it another book without its front cover... Its been missing. I wonder will anyone help me up some shit to settle this but sadly, not a single bit. If I could find another chapter I'll state my message clear but for now its a morning in the night where I think that I can. Not until I end up with too many coke... What am I thinking? Or is it just another chapter of the book.

   A single day which is quite similar to the others. Yet a rainy summer on January. Invisibility to shines and with empty light that reflects my body. Nothing could make a chance. Well I was a warrior who is born to never care. Where people moaned their shit everyday and I wasn't shock expecting the already expected. Which it was that simple. Never the less.

   A black garden in the town of a small village with sixth feet tall of shadow. They say "never enter during summer". However I started to run and put down a lot part of me but no they can take nothing from me. Not even a bit of attention I was scold to be someone I hate the most and not a little sense of shit... I learned they can take nothing from me.

   A lonely day to start with, yet the longer it goes the harder it seems. The little the less that I know it wasn't just another chapter, its not even the title. It just another note of winter... Before the summer could appear when I'm standing on a day of a soluble summer.

"Young enough that I can"

A Girl With A Basket.... (TRUE STORY)

2011-01-10T16:47:00.001+08:00

See through the mountain

First thing for sure before I begin please take not this is not a story or comedy or whatever. This is not even a fairytale story or another shit. What the hell? Well for sure this is an opening, not an essay opening cause that's gonna get me a fail. Anyway lets begin.

Once a upon a time... Cut the shit. Millions of edge but ever thought about being it? There are people live there and some they even suffer to live there? Where will that be? Ever figure it out? Can't? Of course.

A crocodile in the farm... Okay now cut the shit really... Thousand miles of journey I wonder where does people put their head? Have they ever think about others? Now stop the ego and give others a second of break, think of why others don't ever care about how you feel. There must be reason but why the fuck are there those who hate them for being themselves? Its funny. Since 1994 I was born I never knew I must be someone who is not me. If so then that's not Liz anymore.

What was I'm trying to say here? A girl with a basket? It doesn't sound interesting to certain people. Yeah cause some might think the title is BORING. I know but I wanna tell a story about an amazing girl, which I don't know who the hell is that, she comes with a basket. Yeah. BASKET. So what is she doing with that basket? Selling flower... Wait, no, that's pretty common. She sells diamond, inside the basket there is a lot of luxury. Nobody would believe that cause what would a diamond do in such a basket?

I have no idea what on earth is this? ......

The end.... What I'm trying to say is don't judge too soon.... Even in a weird way (I'm happy in my mental health)

Memories Of A Fighter........

2011-01-05T16:57:00.000+08:00

Its not just a cat, its more than that... He's a fighter... He comes from a village called LS. He followed dad until all the way home here. Its different, super friendly, he didn't even scared of us.... He eats ice cream mixed up with coke. Funny cat, thats his favorite food.....

I went home just now. Mum didn't left me key so I wait in front of the house gate, it was raining so I climbed into the gate cause I got wet. I walk behind the house I saw his sleeping there. That was the first thought. The second time I went out its still there, funny... I thought it scared of water? I touch it and his body was super hard that time.... So I carried it up and it didn't react at all... Its dying.... Desperately breathing.... I called mum and sis... They saw him... I couldn't stand it... I sat there crying, company him.... Until his last breathe...

By 3.00pm.... that was the time he's gone.... Forever........ I don't know what's more to say..... Here are some photograph...

Lawaii, a brave cat.... He survived from his Lung Cancer and suffered with a half-blinded eye....

In Memory, Lawaii,
5Th January 2011, 3.00 p.m.

Dearest Lawaii,
"Your not just a cat but you are one of our family... My best friend. You are more than a cat. Every single frame you made me smile and laugh at the same time, I'll keep that in memory... You are strong and brave enough, you survived from your lung cancer and you made it alive for a long time until today.... Farewell..."

Love, Liz

bye......

Schoolyard Rotten Candy

2011-01-02T14:34:00.001+08:00

pictured taken by internet

Just registered at school. The only high school I'm study in. Real empty now. The morning I step by I know this isn't the best day of life, things are getting different but I still felt the same way it use to be. As if nothing change but a lots gone.... I wonder how does it goes before all this? It never happen this way before, when it was there....

I can feel the wind, yeah its lonely and now a lot of things are missing. I couldn't see much, cause it wasn't there. All we have is what left today, part of this left in spoken place. She was there waiting for me, the dawn for morning to shine. That makes the day an opening goes perfectly. I saw her there just now, and I smiled at her shadow. I was only dreaming.... I miss that time....

I pass her class just now, she used to sit there near the right wall. Her table was the one with a lots of writing, same as mine too. I still remember how we spent time at that class where until things are getting a lot crazier. I had tears on my eyes passing by. Its not gonna be the same this time, I'll have my time at school alone... Maybe she's going to be somewhere else.... Overseas? Far away? I'm not sure about that. Nothing much left than empty comments. Wherever she'll be, I just wish she's going to be there safely and have a great time. I'm going nowhere, not until I graduate here. My time is not over yet. I'll have a lot more to learn.

January comes, I can't wait for February. How is Valentine going to be? I hope she'll be there... My birthday is coming too... Also Chinese New Year. Gonna head way back to JB. I can't wait for March, short the words, I can't wait to end this days.

Birthday?
I'm gonna make a wish. I'll be thinking of it and I wonder too, how many people would remember without notification at Facebook?

The sidewalk,
One past funny line, where we used to cross along to the house where we went for a drink. We used to be there, and seems like it always welcome us. When there was me, there's always be you. We'll have the same drink and sit next to each other and I still remember every time you kiss me and our dinner together at beautiful places.

"Its a new start, gotta do what suppose to be done."

Days?
As the matter of fact, those sweet time were amazing.... Tomorrow will be my first at school...

I miss her

Missing Words

2010-12-27T14:37:00.001+08:00

You have everything you want in this life,
There are so many ways you could get it,
But some certain kids, you gotta understand.

Money,
Not everything you could get with that shit. Nothing you could buy than things. A temporarily happiness you'll get. Each you'll only feel like things are getting lonelier. Where the hell is all the noise? Where the fuck is the rage of anarchy? What is our color now? Where on earth is the sincerity? Where is does anger I saw inside their eyes not those big fat smile and idiot laugh?

True Love?
Gone from my eyes where I can't see those much. Everywhere I look around, so many lies were told. In a bad mind what the hell much could they think? Can't they understand the heart of a girl? People are too cool they think. Emotion is gay to them. Its funny, that's the same as heartless.

Life?
Religion? You got your rules and faith. So many things inside. I stare up at the sky and laugh real hard until we had tears in our eyes. I look into their eyes and position, I smiled. Then I walk outside the door I start looking back, these all with me are different... I never look into religion... White coat, leather shoes, black jacket, anarchy and that is just like me... I don't pray all the time but sometime I did, I try to learn... I more I do, the more I just wanna step away and be myself.. Its wrong but maybe I'll understand one day.... Or maybe I don't? That's depend.

Being more like me is trash to people, I ever did tried to be something they wanted me to, it felt like machine. Really fuck up. I can't be that person, not trained person. I'm a punk

Internet?
Where people could start a relationship there but I can say this, it'll never get any much beautiful than it comes without u expect it was. Somehow the Internet ruined relationship, not just that. Even young people minds.

By the letter spelled miss, there is a missing letter there, just like my side, its 'u',
I miss you

A Tissue Box

2010-11-12T00:17:00.000+08:00

I just went back from a dinner today. Pretty fun. Not so bad after all but its sucks at a certain point. Relationship always covered under this shadow of rules. Why must all this really this stupid? Distance and everything. I go against you. You can say anything or fuck the words on me. I just wanna make the night special. Sadly, I can't. I was about to make the night a flame of romantic lights. Their view are blindly unexplainable. All those fucking words, I'm tired of it and let everybody put every single shit on me. Say it out loud, I'll never respect anyway.

You're the place I land my complain,

Its where I shall be fallen as a humble warrior,

I put down my rank and status,

I'm down on my knee and I close my eyes,

I'm sinful, blind and lost.

Normally you give people all,

More than enough,

Just that people gone greedy,

I admit myself,

I am one.

I look down on the ground,

Drop by drops,

My tears fall on the ground,

I smile a bit,

And at the same time I take a look at myself,

That just pathetic.

Everything in this whole life,

It seems a lie,

I don't know what's going on,

War is over and people are trying to start them,

People are states different rank,

But discriminated according to money.

Tell me what is going on?

If I could just close my eyes,

Until I find the answer,

I'll do exactly that,

Until when I open my eyes,

I'm gonna face another thing............

What if one day when I grow up,

I have a left what I can't?

I'm not giving up on believing,

I just wanna see the truth in this hope,

Is it real?

Am I gonna choked up in the end?

What if one day I wake up,

The future from my past in my mind,

Its all a lie?

What if one day when time comes,

I wake up and see one thing out of nothing?

What if that's the only I wanna see again,

And I don't wanna live without it?

Will the world give everyone a decision to make?

Sometime,

I just felt like this world is a shit,

I'm just a fucking abandon lost inside,

I found a hope,

But this hope,

Its ain't clear enough.

I felt it in my heart its real,

This is gonna be beautiful,

But the bottom like,

I was might be dreaming.

Its cold and lonely,

I wasn't listened,

Playing a lonely dice,

Its unexplainable...

I don't get where it heads.

"One day when I look toward the sky, I will realize. I could smile the last I cant"

"The Gun is Load, You Gonna pull The Trigger?

2010-11-07T23:44:00.001+08:00

Look down on everyone,

A fragile soul taking the answer.

The rain falls before December ends,

Autumn falls in a rainy summer.

When you hold a loaded gun,

Are you gonna pull the trigger?

Have you ever thought about,

Emotion reach our weakness.

We all just fragile,

This heart only protected by rib cage,

It just that simple,

Easily breakable,

Touchable,

Vulnerable...

Why are people walking?

In that lonely room footstep is heard,

People making their pace destroying others,

Making others cry and beg for them,

Enough is enough,

Talk about shit,

I'll just end up like a 7 year-old kid,

Holding a loaded gun.

A love letter,

With a bleeding roses,

Its not for the better,

But people just don't wanna lost,

On stupid things.

But, I'll fight for treasure,

and to defend the one I love the most.

In the bitter end,

People make decision,

Emotion,

Give it an answer.

"Ever wanna try finding the answer? Revenge hold the shadow"

Liz'
"In this existences, where could I be seen?"

Fallen Summer On October

2010-10-26T18:12:00.002+08:00

Thousands of people I heard,

Over years that past,

In my head that have a thought,

Over the world that surrounded me,

This heart on a silent summer.

Its October of the year,

On October road,

This anvil rusted,

On the scar that shows we care a lot,

Sees the sky we dream,

Planted to us.

One two three I scream out loud and loud,

Let the world heard it,

I am Liz,

The past is a....

Was just past,

The old me has die inside this heart,

Not the person,

Not the feeling,

Because sees into the heart,

I love the same person I always do.

A cup of coke,

That I just bought,

So wasted it drops,

Meaningless lost.

"Gimme magic, set me free, tell logic, let it be"

On a rainy Tuesday,

My test was a shit today,

I take out my camera and a photograph,

God, this ain't gonna be the same,

Maybe I used to hold on to it,

Its a new start,

Let it free...

Set me free,

Let us go

A shot to head with a tactical 50,

It wasn't born enough to get 15,

Before I placed it in a book,

Now, I take it where I took,

Later,

I'll never stand on that hook

"I wish I was shot, I wish I was found. It just a thought, that I never bound"

If only I could put down my camera, guitar and writing. Giving up anarchy... That just if, which is impossibly happen because I am rebel that goes into the deepest part where you won't find an answer if you just didn't look at me properly..... But whatever, I'm happy that way. Reasons? Figure it out, I ain't giving a fuck. It just that simple.

"Open your eyes,
See it deep,
Don't say good bye,
I won't leave"

Liz~

Way Back To Yesterday

2010-10-24T15:15:00.003+08:00

Its plain and simple,

Its purely beautiful,

The blue sky with white clouds,

The green green grass and town.

The waves and the ocean,

Deep in the sea the water gets clean,

A butterfly to capture in the eyes,

An evening of silence from crowd.

Yesterday it all happened,

Tomorrow will be a change,

Past Valentine I was remembered,

Today I was known.

Being ordinary doesn't mean nothing,

Being special but how long would it be?

Being original just being the truth,

Being different means another word of special.

The song I used to listen,

It ain't the same for now,

The person I used to be,

Is still the old one but its never the same,

Things change.

"Thyself shall hold on the power, taking it for goods to defend those smiles."

A painted room permanently,

The color could never be erased but pasted.

If only I could ever walk back before I was 13,

But I could only create not change memories.

Red rose for today wilt by tomorrow,

Yesterday was purple but it ain't make much difference.

What happened already happened,

Tomorrow it'll never be the same,

But what begins since love blossoms,

Tomorrow it never change.

Monday begins with aim(M) or(O) ain't(N),

Sunday starts before as(S) you(U) and(N),

But its all never happened without the(D) air(A) why(Y)?

Day after days,

Time after times,

All that past,

Its alright,

Because real life & love,

It just begins.

The note above I stated it like how before I used to write. Its how I used to post things on the old theme for 'Whisper In Silence'. Today I wanna start it again like how it used to be. I hope you'll like it. I just wanna inspire people....

Love,

Liz

"What we have is what's left today"

Goodbye, But I Will Never Leave You

2010-10-19T14:12:00.001+08:00

Goodbye I said,
Just distance in between us not the love, or us.. I'm just right here for you even our distance is far but I will never leave you. I'll be just right there for you all the time. I wish I could be with you now but we're just have this drain in between us. School, places, time and every shit but I will never leave.. I'm always right here as a writer of this blog and as the love one in your heart. Its pure... I miss you. I can't wait to see you again...

Slowly I breath in and ever single inhalation, you are my oxygen. Just by the side of your heart, I'm always there until death would take me away but it won't be so soon because I know... I'm not God to know but I'm sure I will always stay until my dream comes through...

When I close my eyes, I see you even in the hardest time, I'm still thinking of you. Even how much air I need to breath, it'll always enough with you... When I'm not around, nothing feels right, every second when I'm with you is counted and by the hours past, I miss you. Ever single piece of you, I miss you... I promise you I will be back and never leave, I'll keep that inside my heart.

Today,
Its quiet, in the hospital, I''m scared.... Just close my eyes waiting for my turn, waiting the result... I'm thinking of every second with you... Your love is like wings to me, that set me free from pain and worries. If I could be with you now, I wanna kiss you and hug you like we used to... As long as I can, tight and I don't wanna let go....

Whatever it takes, I'll never break the promise... All we have is what's left today but no matter, you'll have me as the only Liz that you'll know.

I love you,
I miss you,
Jennifer~

School's & Prison

2010-10-18T14:33:00.002+08:00

Lately, I see people... They teach me a lesson, that literally, they ain't no stupid but really damn blind...

Let's state it clear, especially honestly, my teachers... Some they could really understand, some they think they do but hell, not even a bit.... Probably they are reading this or maybe not... But if they do, they wouldn't read to the bottom of the post because this post seems pathetic or stupid or just another teenage punk who is obsess with his rebellious notes, true cause I am but you're wrong at one point...

I tell you what... Look at me properly next time...

Anarchy is one part of the key of my heart to get against you. Its not that I hate you but when I sit there thinking of future, you got me into a state and call my dream is silly like trash or shitty but when I put myself into some part of you rebellious student, I know where I wanna go and what is stupid. Probably I am bad, really bad... So what? Do I ever give a fuck? Not at all because that's what you think about me... Teacher taught me 'do not judge the book by its cover'... Can I believe that teacher? You didn't prove it cause me, you didn't view me properly. Look at me, what do you see? Maybe I'm not better, maybe I got no money, maybe I'm stupid but maybe you all wrong.

I play music, those music that you hate so much. I'm like an animal to you but I'm not faking myself, here is a truth. I'm just being the wind in your fucking rich palace. I can't walk free, yeah.... I had a silly knee that is pushing me so fucking bad... If you in me you won't have a day without pain... I wish all those thing I did I could feel free but hell, school is just prison where it decides to teach you what to think not learning how to think... No wonder why people hates school, money is their first priority, decide what's other future will be, that is so...

You know.... To be clear, I'm not a prisoner or a puppy even a dog. I'm deaf, blind or say it whatever, when you did so I proved to you, you're wrong, bet you don't realize because my mind and your, isn't the same. Yours is a book set-up definition in a black shadow where you wish everyone just like you and mine is what's truth through my lens.

Maybe I ruin the class or hate study so fucking much but you never realize, I do study maybe ain't good enough but I can tell you, you're wrong...

Is it so hard to understand this? I bet it is, that goes heartless.... Its simple ok, look at me properly now....

Obsess

2010-10-06T17:50:00.001+08:00

Time making me felt like...
Damn it,
Could our time be a little more fucking longer?
Will this time stop at every second when I want to?

Could it move a little bit slower?
Please?
Waiting felt like forever but spending,
Its like happened just now,
So soon...
Real soon....

Fuck it,
I look down on the ground,
What a rainy day...
What a morning kiss,
What an empty time,
What the....

What the pace move on for?

I'm feeling vulnerable as time gets far away like our distance will be...
Will God protects you when I'm not there for you?
Its not that I don't want to but I just can't...
When I'm there my heart beats fast and crazy,
Just wonder how are you doing there?
Is everything okay?
Do you miss me?

Whatever it'll be....
Damn it..................
I'm not there enough, this fucking distance trying to separate us.
I always wanna reach you and kiss you,
Whenever you think of me,
I wish I could be your side...
Singing you love song,
Touch you as much as I adore you,
I cuddle you with sweet romance...

When the morning comes,
I dream when I wake up,
You just in my arms,
Warm and tight...
By the time you wake up,
I will kiss you and smile at you.
But then again when I look from my eyes now,
Tears are falling......
To my face I whisper....

I love you...

Life Planning

2010-09-26T18:07:00.000+08:00

I am young and very stupid,
That's what people told me,
Some certain time I agree,
But I never give a fuck.

Life is always my way,
Not one can tell me where to choose,
But I can hear recommendation,
But I hate being force,
And I just wanna be where I suppose to be.

Love,
I put it in my heart,
One day there is gonna be a huge distance,
I'm afraid of that and I am scared,
Of losing the one heart that I only had,
Some people said,
'Flower can be plug in a garden,
You can pick one and have a lots more'

But as the matter of fact,
That isn't romance of love.
To me that was stupid,
Here I put it in a line,
There is only a butterfly to catch,
There are flowers...

I tell you what,
Not every flowers just the same,
And I found a butterfly instead of flowers,
A perfect one,
And I'm not wanting a relationship,
I want a true love...

I don't care how many flowers can be plug but hey,
I wanna plant one,
Grow it,
Water it,
Take good care of it,
A FLOWER...

All I want is,
To keep distance together with her,
Never felt separated...

Pure Moon, A Bitter Sweet Beauty

2010-09-23T22:14:00.001+08:00

Maybe,

Its a lifetime respect,

Maybe,

Its all about the shit I've made before,

Maybe,

Time wasn't long enough,

Or maybe,

This heart of this man just dead.

Reality,

Love is just beautiful,

But life set up a rules of distance,

Position,

and...

Destination...

But when it gets into the ride of fantasy,

Everything just fucking lies,

Beauty of a broken violin,

What we say isn't what we'll get,

What we wish isn't what we'll see,

What we dream isn't reality,

But it could be change...

Only...

If I can change it so the story could be continue...

Reality suck,

Life,

I'm your biggest anarchy...

You set up rules,

That is so cruel...

Test is just harsh and fuck it,

The silliest thing this life is living a lie,

I scream it our loud...

I AM ANARCHIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'M THE ONE WHO FUCK THIS WORLD!

I'M THE ONE WHO KILL MYSELF!

I'M THE ONE WHO IS PATHETIC!!!

I'M THE ONE WHO ACTING LIKE FUCK IT DAMN MOTHERFUCKER,

I'm just the one...

who cried like the most pathetic person and guess what?!

NO ONE WOULD CARE!!!

Well LIFE IS UNFAIR and shit,

God I ask you!

You washed my brain and set the rules of life but why when the perfect thing in this life for me,

You give it to me! But?!

You have to make it that way? Taking it away from me?

What's the point of living?
What's the definition of perfect love and true love?

Rather than thinking of what way I should take,

What journey I should make,

Which shit I should live and see,

Or a test paper to be brave,

I set it here clean and fucking stupid,

I rather end everything so tomorrow,

I won't have a day and everyday can have their life,

Not listen to a pathetic speaking meaningless English!!

Today is a special day,

Today is the most meaningful day ,

Today supposed to be a beautiful day...

But this stupid life in this stupid world,

Over this idiotic journey,

I break my legs to walk,

I break my arms to work,

But I did all that,

To love....

But why must there a rule saying couple can't marry each other of unless oneself have to give it up... and...

Why must there a rule saying I am forbidden from giving it up?

I would end up senseless and not getting anything anyway...

What can I choose?

I got no option...

I'M POWERLESS!!!

I'M SHIT, WEAK!!! PATHETIC....

But......

That's cause the world don't treat me right,

I fuck the world!

I RULE, ANARCHY!!!

However, I'm vulnerable to do so,

Why?

Because God,

You don't gimme any choice or option,

You don't even gimme a pair of wings to fly,

To don't even make me blind, deaf or dumb...

Why must it happened that way?

WHY?

WHHHYYYY???????????????

WWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm willing to give up my dreams or anything,

If You would give me a key,

To be hers...

And people will ask me why I must choose this way...

The answer, because I love her,

and because,

I'm your biggest anarchist.

I'm Rebel & Anarchy but I'm Not A Shit

2010-09-20T16:18:00.002+08:00

Teachers.

They told me the same thing. I am not stupid, I just not doing well yet. But hey, I made a chance... Sadly, not much could realize that... I wish I could change their way of some people view me but the more I try to the more I was giving a senseless hope. Its okay cause I don't care... Put down my camera giving up anarchy, just a fake happiness for them but not to me. I study... I study and study again... I did but they just don't see me that way. I don't wanna care but I just want some support. How I wish my hero could felt proud for what I've been... Seems like it just another wasted of tries but its okay, I feel sorry I can never be good enough for you... But you can't change me because I'm trying to be a gold for you to be proud but I just can't in the way you wanted me to...

Remembering my hero before...

We spent our times and fun together.. Giving me spiritual words and strong guides so I could be one worth gift from God for you. Before you were a hero but then when times and busyness separates us... I'm less being care and before I was important, maybe not the most but slowly... You watch me and look at me as the worst person you've seen....

Please,

Look at me and talk to me, I never stop trying but I just want you to know, this rebellion born naturally. Maybe its not from how I being influenced by music as you said but Ill never listen to those musics if you don't ask me too but its just late...

Sorry, but I stated here,

I miss that hero,

and with love,

Liz~

Love Note~

2010-09-19T15:07:00.001+08:00

This heart is yours,
This love is ours,
This life we share,
This sweetness we care,
Romance I lay for you,
Just you & I in our fantasy...

This box, I wrap it over,
I keep a red apple in it,
Send it to your door,
Land it on the floor.

When you open it,
You'll smile,
Seeing a piece of note,
Invisible but appears on the gift,
Stated,
"I love you, sweetheart"

Liz~

Just Like Everybody Else~

2010-09-15T18:03:00.000+08:00

On a stupid walk over the time,

On a single bit of laugh I smile a bit,

On a single letter, an opening,

From the voices of our life,

It sounds a little less silly to say.

A dissatisfaction,

Pathetic the way it seems,

On an uncovered album of journey,

Over photographs that took,

One pace doesn't seem to be made,

An opening, a sacrificing time,

Open the clock and find its battery...

Over cell of time been talking,

From an edge to the grave,

Dead at the line over a year,

One face and again at one play,

A shit to begin from the ultimate lame.

People like me,

We're just no one to them~

A Gift Box

2010-09-10T19:14:00.004+08:00

One small little box. It goes cute and romantic. You never know if its a ring in it... Is he gonna purpose you? What if it comes with a flower? We'll never know what's in the box until we open it.

One big box. Big... Very big... What if its something big, real big but... Size of those things in the box, I don't care. We don't know what comes in when it goes out. We don't know what's behind the wall if we keep guessing instead of checking. Just like us, they judge by the way we look... Where we come from, who are we, money, status... It just doesn't make sense...

You don't know in that little box is a diamond... You don't know if that big box is just a bag. Or maybe anything... But boxes represent something in our life. Sometime even a simple bag needs appreciation. Cause its a gift, its free. Take it and appreciate it. Don't matter that thing in the box, is cheap or whatever. Cause in this life, not everyone have a luxury beauty. The heart, is a different thing.

Let just say a small box...

What if its a ring? Priceless ring?

At that position you'll smile and guess what... It just a box. It just the cover... Like us. We're inside our box. What color is your box? How big or small is it, it don't matter much... Let it be a luxury inside that box...

Smile,
Liz~

'A', an Opening.What It Stands When It Comes To The End?

2010-09-04T12:17:00.000+08:00

Begins with the letter a,
'An opening~'

Its been almost a week, just make it 5 days straight. Its been almost a year, well it goes the 9Th months we're standing on... 9 months...

Not even a bit, I walk backward. To be real, I never did. For this fantastic when I was given a pace to be made. Maybe just that way in front of us but we just abandon it. However, a girl that's been amazed my life made me walk that way. At the edge of that pace I found that light... That happy light.. It makes me smile, laugh and gone crazy a little. Sometime when I gone deeper, I have tears in my eyes. An unframed happiness. It just flows that way to the bottom of your heart. At that time when you're in my place, you'll be like...

"Owh God you made it!"

When it comes that way... We gone so far and we flowing with the winds. Not even a bit from any single talk could stop you down but careful, sometime... We just move the wrong path and screw things up. I watch my every single step and take my breath slow and patiently I wait. By the bottom line when I traveled far I found this crystal... Its very beautiful. Sparkling sparkling. Unexplainable moments.

That girl who walks with me, she holds my hand and together we run... Run to that path where happiness to be achieved. By that time when I look at her, I just smile and sometime I laugh a little bit... But my eyes are just wet... Its sparkling like a crystal. A beautiful light is seen. Isn't its obvious? That light represents a hope...

Smile~

*From the above notes I wrote... Can you define what 'a' stands for if it goes an opening, what's in the end?
-The answer, 'Appreciations'

Liz~

Walk Back , Step Front ~

2010-09-02T14:17:00.001+08:00

I open my closet today and take on my pace,

A journey of the mighty one...

"Thou shall be two side,

Our own or home"

After I done my hair today I realize... There is something about that guy in the mirror... Well the harder it seems the deeper it was. I try to open up my heart and I try to talk. When those voices and advices stomp me down on my knee. I stand and never bow to dark side. I'll just be the ultimate shadow but never walk away just... I'll be in that box...

Color?

Just feelings. A garden of happiness. When I try to take an object and try to break the glass, my hand stop... Liz, wake up? Where have you been... Where have I'm lost?

A direction?

On a home where I use to be. On the old story I use to cry with. On the pace I traveled along... Seeing myself again...

There is a huge difference... And I guess I made it there. I be able to see it now, that small beautiful light at dawn. That lovely smile that makes me close my eyes and kiss her eyes... Goodnight goodnight, never say goodbye.

What's left off really gone now,

Slowly I walk away from a small single life to a better style... I be able to smile with the stars and felt the happiness inside. With her in my arms... Is like a dream come true. When I wake up I open my eyes, all I could think first was her... It starts and some sweetness begins. I put my anger backward and keep myself weak and soft... Let it be... Whatever happened, I don't wanna hold to it.

Harsh,

The cover of me that I've been. With the madness of the look and an evil smile. I walk back before August. No, it never been that way. I'm not that anymore. I'll just be whoever I'm actually am. I lost my inspiration, I guess that's how it makes me...

Breath for now,

A box, It goes Black & White~

Liz~ I'll be~

Take My Hand & Run

2010-08-25T20:04:00.000+08:00

'People will start thinking of responsibility for their action
And things played on starting from one step of a time starting from this second,
We all have been DEGRADED,
But,
We all will be the GREATEST.'
By The Maine

Let's scream it out,
LOUDER!

I put my arms to the air giving a salutation,
Starting from last night,
I made a start line with my love,
I put my last bow here,
Not leaving what I am but,
Forward for a different way,
Without changing me,
Just change this life,
Make it us~

That is what I really wanted. Wanting someone would take my hand and run with me, creating a life on our own journey without even give a damn on what others might think. I'm tired of listening to those voices that keeps making me look bad. Here I run forward to achieve a goal. My goal... No, our goal. It starts here. Catching that beautiful lights together with her pretty face, I could see the most beautiful flare through her smile. A reflection that speaks to me.

Tonight, I light this candle up.

You and I, never say goodbye. It just begins, for us to find where we are accept and to find our own home.

Here smile keeps playing in my mind. It makes me feel weak and unforgettable scene. Her smile, touch and kiss. I could that sparkling eyes crying a happiness inside like the way I do. A flame is burning my heart that keeps me warm. By the moment, this love burns for her.

A Rose, red as blood, a passion of love, romance...

The only things matter in my life,
Is you and I.

Take my hand, let's run... Go there, searching for space and home. Ignoring whatever the others will say, we move on on our own time.

A Little Respect or Just Fuck Off

2010-08-24T18:36:00.004+08:00

I look myself in the mirror
Sometime I felt proud
Gets to live in this fucking world
Facing stupid laugh and lies
Straight to my face

Living in a pace
Where millions of people in my life
Either its me that look stupid
Or just them who acting stupid
But my stupidity
I have heart too
And once they my heart
I'll ram them into hell

A house
Where I don't belong to
A pace
Where I been push from walking
A shit
Where people just understand me
Me me me...

Making myself look selfish here
But I'm not talking about myself,
Its my style and I'm saying others

I don't care
Cause I don't wanna care
What I'll have to pity on
What I'll have to cry on
What I'll have to face on
I just fucking stand at the bottom

There wishing for one thing
I'll just have some food when I'm hungry
And sitting on the sofa
Playing video games
Not keeping my mind in those shits
Where I don't literally belongs to

I'm just asking respect
Not to myself but to my life
I?
Even slowly forget everything about myself
Maybe when I'm exactly what they talked
They will leave me alone and freak out
I'll destroy all those smile
I'm trying to defend to
Since its helpless
I'll let it bleed into myself

Every time I wake up
I'm hoping I was captured in my own dream
Saving everyones' smile
But as the matter when I try do that
I was the one who destroy them

Then what's the use of doing a senseless thing?
Why would I hoping for something that will never happen?
Why would I have to respect when I was disrespected?
And why?

Should I continue hoping for a shit,
That never will work on me...

I wish I'll just flow gone and stop letting people see my fucking face,
Maybe it'll be a dream come through for them...

5Th Month Anniversary

2010-08-23T13:09:00.001+08:00

Its been 5 months we're together and the greatest part is... I love every second with her...

She makes me felt appreciated, cared and lucky...

And by the same time she makes me crazy and turn my heart to be weaker and soft to treat her the sweetest I can...

The loveliest thing about her is that she's very special. A very adorable caring person to me. For the first time, I can call this home.

Dear, it might seems to be a short post but I have a lot more to say and let it be personal...

Hug & Kiss, I love you~

Will This House Be A Home Again?

2010-08-23T13:01:00.001+08:00

I wake up and stop letting things take away my spirit... Here I put a riot from my heart. Where I use to stop crying like that little boy but keep screaming and play hard music knowing its like my blood. To be the way I wanna be... Ain't desperate enough to be someone I don't wanna be...

Competitive?

I put those word and fuck up a little in the middle position but hey, don't ever compare me to someone...

Does this house seems like a home again?

Where you felt you don't belong to somewhere...

I just wanting to start up and mess up a little bit with an evil smile but a pure heart knowing people would judge me bad, a stupid face I won't give a fuck cause hey... I like to be this, to be wild and crazy... Breaking guitar, breaking glass or break the chain. Here one pace I could describe in one single home, to be hurt.

Push me out let the door open. Showing me a landing wings that to let me free but freedom doesn't lead to stupidity.Teachers always said, one cause teen gets stupid is because of freedom. Too much freedom lead to crime but I won't give a damn on that statement... Freedom doesn't goes that way. It just how locked they are and not always free but feeling free like for the first time after prison I might screw things up. Crime? I don't do that. Why? Because I have my style... My position ain't rank up like master in all those places I don't fucking care...

I did my paper today and the question is why student fail on test? The greatest answer I wrote is, force..

Yeah force... My place don't step in if you want me to step out. Its easy play? Owh yeah...

Home?

AS THE MATTER OF FACT,

Here is my home...

To The Ultimate, I'm A Shadow

2010-08-22T20:02:00.000+08:00

They say a traveler should have seen the truth on the lens of a camera.
They say a journey could be made with a single ride on our pride.
They say money you'll get everything you want but fuck it!
Can I put my journey on a pace to help the helpless...

But...

Seems like I ain't helping a single line if I can't even help myself. Knowing a harsh time and terrible lives, I'll willing to be the ultimate shadow of strength just to defend them. Defend those who are helpless. Doesn't matter relatives, friends or even strangers but hey... This heart, this pure soul and this single light... I wanna brighten them. Put aside my own things and discover a single... A single...

Just a single piece of love that could begins from a seed to lighten the whole garden... Maybe that would be great...

But?

What's so good about knowing the truth? It makes me felt powerless... All I could do is watch. I wish I really could take their place and step off from the bottom line but this shit ain't working out... If I could only defend the whole town smiles in the world, I would have done that... If only the shadow would stand on me, I'll take the pace and walk along with it... Knowing myself is less important, it don't matter much but I just can't stop thinking about a miracle rain...

Fuck it...

Over the pace it takes, I found these damn fools fooling around like bunch of losers. Money always turns into a role play. You roll the dice, you'll make it twice.

I blow a small wind wishing I could make it cold but yet it seems useless... I just... Maybe I don't understand or maybe... I guess no.. I just wanting a beautiful light to be seen all years long in my entire life but things.. It goes black and white, I tie my tie and wear a suit... Not even a lie for to stop walking the fault line but...

What it gets? What can I take? Or does people even understand the word suffer isn't as simple as it seems?

It just... Harder than it seems but why... Why you people couldn't stop acting selfish?

Just a single... Shit to be made~

A Place Where Your Loving Kindness & Care Is Needed

2010-08-22T14:43:00.001+08:00

We are all viewed as a person. Forget money or rank. They just some shit that doesn't make any sense to me. Rich people or poor people, young people or old people, talented people or smart people, smart or stupid, good looking or not so... I don't put a damn on it cause open your eyes and open your heart and stop talking about anything. Just take a look at them... What do they have? We all should be thankful because in their eyes we are made 'perfectly'. I put my hand and myself involve in a visit to these special friends. Giving them a 'healing hand' would be nice. Pay a visit and show them they aren't alone because there are still people who care.

So here are my photographic report~

Free, The Definition~

2010-08-08T17:15:00.000+08:00

I do photography. For my school? I wasn't paid.

I give them the best for my own respect, free photography.

I take however I want not what they want cause, its a free quality.

I wish them for thank you but yet I get , free critique. Not just me, even the others photographer too.

1,2,3... All free so shut the fuck up and they are my photos. Not just me, how about the others felt? Those camera they are holding, they aren't free... Those photographs they took, they don't charge a single penny. Those hard work, they aren't paid... Even a Thank You and sweet comment would be nice. Not critique and lecture about it. Well, what can I say? FREE QUALITY~ If don't like it, find others photographer. See if they wanna go for you? Well if they do, don't expect same quality. Owh, I guess I knew it... All the same right? FREE QUALITY? shit~

I offer myself to be the photographer. I don't force to pay the high price in fact I just need a little money for my own food and I still remember. When my camera having problem, I myself pay the price to repair it and not even a penny I get just to heal Alpha. Its sad seeing its sick and painful. Finally he's heal and it was put on event again. My camera isn't the best thing to produce fucking stunning quality photographs. It has a very strong weak point in the dark. So face the fact~

Sometime I think it'll sound selfish but I have the right. Not just me. Even the others... They put their heart and effort for each pictures and wishing 'nice pic' or thank you would be nice.~

Well enough~

I don't wanna do FREE QUALITY photographs~

I harshly find transport to go to the event, Wasted my time charging battery, Wasted my effort~ I don't mind if its an outing with friends. But some school activities, they are just shit to be capture~ Well sorry I said that... I felt 3 times harder than what teachers felt right now. Not just me...

The others?

My friends? They put their effort to the parent asking for a camera... Its not easy like getting a candy. It takes a lot of cash... Its an hobby, but at least don't say so much things cause its free. Our photographs, our way~

Its true teacher don't force us to buy them. But since we get it so hard and being so nice doing free photography. Just appreciate it. Don't talk too much. Done~

One Red Paper Note~

2010-08-06T22:39:00.000+08:00

'July past,
The train on the journey,
Heading to its destination,
Not chasing those who left behind.'

The opening day of the August. A week past so fast and its only 3 weeks left for August. Where the time is getting a lot more older and things are getting more buzz out. Over times when I look at the calendar, our time isn't much longer to be spend. On the upcoming year, I don't know how far we'll be from each other. Right now Imma precious our time and plant surprise every time when I gets to see her. Imma let her know how much I love her. I still remember early of the year I said,

"If it takes my strength to win your heart,
I'll be a warrior to fight for it."

Competitive?
Its an evil blood I couldn't eliminate easily in myself. I always wanna be the winner. But so far, so good. I made a lot of change. I could wash out the shadow a little in myself. I realize its not worth winning a title. Just another cigar to be spent.

Poem?
Its been ages I diddn't write them. Here I'll left a note I personally put my heart in it... Its been awhile I stop.

"A bear that you hug,

When the melody plays in my mind,

One soul could be listen,

One love is fantastic.

A personal line,

I put my heart,

Sensitivity blocks me,

To take it easy.

The birds are singing,

Same song like yesterday,

On the upcoming day,

It'll bee repetitive,

They never gets bored,

Cause the love still burns.

What if I could have a wing,

I would fly by her side now,

I'll bring her to the sky,

And together we watch the world.

Touch the cloud and hold my hand,

Listen to my heart whisper the same.

The grass are dancing,

The night is whispering,

The day is shining,

In my life,

I'll always love you~'

Liz~

An Empty Slot Of A Teacher

2010-08-06T14:58:00.001+08:00

My photography?
They are my art,
I take the way I like it with deep messages. Here is the thing... Have you ever feel what is it like when someone says your art is just some shit? I have feeling too and I've been functioning for my school on lots of event over last year until now. Do I get any of them to say thank you? Well, they are lots of them. Telling me how nice my photography are and wishing I would be a professional photographer starting my own business.

Things just fuck up. Well I don't hate that teacher but its painful and I'm willing to drop down my camera and show the world its another 'art'. That teacher, I didn't get him to say thanks but in fact, I was insulted. Every pictures I gave him are all free without my trademark, the original copy. Not even a single penny I charge.

'Those weird taken pictures are meaningful. They are not art but craps.'

Well, I disrespect teacher at the moment. If anyone think my art is just some piece of shit then I bag you, find a better photographer. There are so many out there. My art is just simple and different. I don't do stunning photography like the others did..

And teacher,
Since my photographs are a rubbish... Why are you still asking those photos I took? Are you keeping shits in your computer? They could bring virus you know that? I think you take better photography than I do. Even a professional photographer from oversea comments that I got eyes on art of photography. Well? What are you gonna say? Or maybe you are just even more professional than the other photographers?

So far I think I wanna stop doing photography for free. I'm gonna charge you. At least I insult you back that you buy rubbish and I'll show you what rubbish really are. Fuck your line teacher and put your mark here. Don't talk shit to me cause I don't wanna hate anyone. or whatever.

'My art? They are my feelings. If you say that my arts are shit, then that's the same as saying my feelings are shit too.'

Fine! Enough... I'll just do photography for those who appreciate and understand better. Don't blame me for not taking picture cause I have the right to take or not.

As the matter of fact,
Don't pay me shit~

Let's put it aside...

I have a great time spent with my girl yesterday...
I miss her so much...

Love,

Liz~

A Violin To My Heart, A Love As My Home

2010-08-03T16:19:00.002+08:00

"A play, a role,

Just rare, to hold."

When I look through my times I spent, the year of 2010. It makes me smile and happy. The best year for me where thing started to change and life is getting a lot more better. God, I thank you all for listening to my soul whispering and I'll appreciate everything you give me. Nothing much I can thank you except my appreciation.

When my pace stop at a spot, I found this rarely seen angel comes to keep up with my pace. We walk together. All the laughing and crying... We get through it together. By time when I could hear the wind is whispering, I feel the loneliness and its cold. However it still felt warmth cause the love still burns in us.

A hug,
It keeps me calm and breathless. Everything in this whole life, nothing much I could listen then just us standing on the field widely filled with emptiness but romance together. The grass and sky, they watch us. The green and blue, they are our eyes. The melody played in our heart, an adoring sweet sound for one another. Where I could here the tone of her loving me and me loving her. Even if I close my eyes, her scent could appear around. Knowing that someone is calling me, it'll always be her. The only person that's been watching me and guiding me. The angel that gimme a faith that there are wings for me to fly.

A smile,
It keeps me smiling and my heart felt safe. Its clear that nothing is bothering me. Everything I could see through this busy slide, she's there at the edge. The most beautiful person standing at the center of the noise, that's her there walking on a direction. I come across the town and follow her step. Slowly I walk beside her. Then, I hold her hand and we walk our line, our pace. Where it begins, she with me.

A kiss,
Knowing the most fantastic moment in this life. A kiss that burns me in fire. A kiss that makes me felt. I was adored. A kiss, that means everything for me. A kiss, where it stands I Love You.

Moments like this, is always something I want. Just us over the busy town. Watching the butterflies, flowers, and sun sets together. With her leaning on my shoulder, I could be crying for that happy time. I couldn't picture or describe how fantastic it'll be. A happiness I couldn't just note on words but could be whispered on my tears. Catching her scent all over me, knowing she's beside me. I would have sleep and by the time I got up. I could see the love one is there when I open my eyes. I always want that... But the wall of busyness and life's stage is keeping a distance of me from her. Looking at the calendar, 8 months has gone so fast. Dragging our time to spend from us. Over dreams I whisper. Over dreams I see the fantasy. But the happiness gone when I got up. I want an ink....

An ink,
To sketch us lots of sweet memories. To sketch us and frame together. To sketch us with an unexpected happiness. I'll ring the bell and start with a pen and a piece of paper. In a town with great people and in a house where we could live there and spend the rest of our life together. When summer comes, we felt them together. When it passed, we never leave the summer in our heart. My love to keep her warmth and comfortable. Her that adores me...

Together with the sun rises and sets. We fill a black and white box with beautiful shading and color.

P.S~ I miss You, Jenn~

Liz~

Trust

2010-08-01T18:40:00.001+08:00

There are two kind of relationship :-
1 - get together then knowing each other
2 - get to know each other and then start to get closer

When it comes to 1. You'll always know the same thing. You'll be afraid when you gets to know her. Here is the thing, what if you love her look but when you know her she isn't something you want to be with? What if you love the way she treats you but you don't know what's her eyes color?

As the matter of fact I know,
That's not relationship. Relationship is all about someone you wanna be with. Someone that makes you feel adored, fantastic and amazed your life with everything. Someone that you love her personalities. You know her eyes color, her behavior, what she likes to do and everything about her. Not even a part you get to see her ugly and that's what true love is. Doesn't matter how she looks, how she dress or how she acts. Its all about her being with you that makes you think this world is just nothing without her. I felt that all the time.

The 3 line, I Love You~

Do you believe it for the first line? Do you think it could be real? Then it goes why do you love her? Which part? I have my answer, its her, I love her. Every single piece of her. Her heart is the main part. Is not to how she is I love, is to who she is I love. She's the most fantastic thing happen in my life. That picked up every pieces of my broken glass and fix them as a brand new love. I never felt so happy and amazing. Its like I am the world most luckiest guy.

First kiss to the lips?
When is it? Few days after you date? Are you giving all the trust? Trust is a hard decision to make. Guy should wait until she had the answer and if she says no. You can make her say yes. Show it to her and she can trust you and when she does, its your responsibility to not giving her a fake hope. Once the glass is broken, when you try to pick it up, you'll get scratch.

Love or Lust?
Are you just a fuel to the fire? Love or lust is a different thing. Love for lust isn't love. Everyone do have lust but love is not the bridge to satisfy it. However sweet the talk is, if it was for lust and satisfaction. Don't say I love you to her because that'll be a lie. Just another fake hope you'll give. If doesn't do so won't let you get you want? So? That's better that giving her what she don't want. We are all people so view everyone as a person. Have heart remember.

Us?
Every time when I talk about her. It keeps me smiling and I never felt very fantastic in my life. I know my decision this time is the best thing. I picked the right line and I love her so much. My heart was taken and my eyes got attracted to her and only. I miss her a lot...

"Trust isn't a game or just a line slide. Trust is the biggest thing and decision you'll make to be in a relationship. When you get to say yes. One can be broken if another doesn't take the answer seriously. When she trusts you, don't let her regret for trusting you."

Liz~

I Need You~

2010-07-28T18:04:00.000+08:00

Thing doesn't seems good right now. She always gives me direction to be a better person but I fail to show her my changes. I'm really sorry. My ego, I get it. I realize it. I was a loner traveler on my journey. Now I'm lost, its not that she didn't gives me direction but I made the wrong move. Fail step, wrong pace. Here it goes, I'm so fucked up.

I'm falling on the middle pace but dear... Are you gonna carry me up at where I fall and run with me on the same journey? Are you going to gimme your hand and let me get up and follow the right direction? Will you give me a chance to prove I'll change? Will you dear? I need your love, its my strength and support. I'm sorry because I disappoint you. I'm just a fallen boy with no perfection on the ground and need strength for me to stand up... And I won't let you down again. Please?

I'm weak and useless... I'm just pathetic.

"Its all about Liz"... Not anymore. This page is just a box. Filling with black & white notes. I need the opportunity for me to chance and reset the Liz I am. I need a chance for the sake of our love to blossom in the rainy summer. I need you to hold me and comfort me with your heat.

I really need her...

I put all my fingers together and trying to reach you, I'm sorry for everything. I'm not getting better but I'm just getting badder. Really, I can change. I really want to... I wish you'll gimme a chance to be who you wanted and I really wanna be that person over your heart. That's because I love you and I'm willing to do anything for you. Doesn't matter where to go but I'll step my feet for the happiness to achieve. I'll follow the guide way and right feeling. I need you........

and I miss you......

Sorry~

Passion

2010-07-26T17:19:00.001+08:00

There is a line where people always say,

"I will wait for you no matter how long..."

However, some just say it as a label of a beauty but in the end. Nope, not as long as how they say it but it just the length of the words. Here is a thing....

*Don't keep him waiting,

I disagree with this way. If a guy really loves the girl, just keep him waiting. See how long could it be and believe me... You'll never end up as a broken heart cause you'll cry when you made it that far. I felt that. I waited for as long as my girlfriend prepared for me to be my girlfriend and it wasn't a short time of waiting. I waited with lots of patient trying to be hers and here I am taken. Its been 4 months already. How long I waited for her? Is the huge number but that doesn't matter because the numbers of waiting, I'll never get sick, the amount of love, it'll never reduce. Dear, Liz is missing you...

-If the guy can't wait any longer and have other?

So? Let it be... He don't deserves you. I tell you one thing, that's an obsession to be in relationship or maybe a desperation on sugar. A sincere love isn't just a snap of finger. It takes a lot of passion. The eyes contact and the tears in it. By the time we realize, its a beautiful journey we made it so far.

-Why wait if can't wait?

Saying that he'll be waiting for her is another lie. What make it worse is that it just a fake hope. Girls always a mystery. It takes time to deliver the love inside and to be clear with their decision. A desperation or rush from the guy? Better just fine a better one. Maybe not in a short time. It takes more than that. Just wait... You'll see a light by the next morning or the upcoming days. There's no need to rush. Not to be in hurry. Keep searching and waiting for the right one. When it comes to the pace, make a strong decision. Forget lust.

Passion?

Nothing comes with a finger snap. We're not superhuman. Just ordinary person with no perfection. Your braveness and calm heart. That what makes thing repay you with an unexpected gift. The biggest gift will be your achievement, that you made it so far. You should be proud of it...

Love?

Is always a sweet sound where the melodies played in my mind. Her smile keeps my heart weak and happy. I achieve one happiness inside me... And I know this time,

This smile,

All the laugh,

The happiness,

Really sincere :)

Liz~

Photo of The Day

2010-07-17T15:45:00.000+08:00

Perfection?

2010-07-12T20:34:00.001+08:00

No I'm not perfect.
This page I made is just to show you my life,
Although things I wrote might sound fantastic and amazing,
But my life here ain't perfect...
Only she could make it perfect~

Its All About Liz,
A journal of mine,
Each word telling every single pace I made,
Each word describe every feelings in me,
Each word is not my perfection.

I tell you I'm a bad liar. So what's the use of lying? Honestly... Imma make one confession here. I'll show everyone the same thing I told my girl and the truth of me.

"I love you Jen,
There's is nobody in my heart except you,
I know so many what happened before made you jealous,
But that was a joke,
And I'm not a nice guy last time,
I'm changed dear,
For you,
You gotta believe me.

I changed for you,
I change to be more mature,
And right now I understand,
All the time Id been very immature,
And stupid...

I forgot one thing,
Your feelings...

I feel very guilty,
And Imma put every part into words,
Sending you an apology,
Pls forgive me~

I know how you feel dear,
If Im in your place,
I will feel the same thing like you do,
But I changed for you,
And it never happen again I swear,
But one thing I want you to know...

I LOVE YOU & only~

Nobody else in my heart... And that statement will never change.
I'm yours and only,
No one will ever have me,
And I will never have anyone except you..."

A Run Of Dream

2010-07-08T17:40:00.002+08:00

Don't cry... Run...

Why are we running

And what are we running for?

For the good? or somehow we just act like loser? No we are not. Me? I'm not running from problems. I actually did but I'll never get so much far from it because I know today I'll be running from things, tomorrow? It'll be different.

What am I running from?
Those shits out there that's killing me. That keeps me cry in a silent voices of my heart. I couldn't make it so far from my own trouble I'm getting into. All those undone craps left on the desk, at the bottom of my shoe, a disrespectful manner of mine. Every time I keep running, the more tears will fall to my face. Once she appears in front of an edge, I stop and smile. A hug that keeps me calm. The winds in her hair, the touch of an angel and the smell of love. I was fallen deep into my weakness. It keeps me comfortable and relax. As its like, there's no doubt we couldn't get through it. A tears of laugh, I could picture a flare in my eyes.

Run and run... No don't give up. Keep up running! There's no point of giving up. It just miles away...

Once you stop, you couldn't make it through. Its okay cause there's another day. Just keep trying... Don't ever give up.

Run Liz run... What am I running for?

An honor to live in my life. Slowly I learn from my relationship with the only girl I have until I could write a long definition of love, an inspiration. No I ain't gonna run from things again. I'll be the man brave enough that could face things right. I should be better than this because when I believe to myself, I can do it.

All the time I'd learned from my teacher is just funny. They don't teach me to understand but I learned to listen. Listen from the shadow, thoughts, journey, road and heart.

"People think with their eyes"

Run~
We should run for something. Not running away from it and never forget to follow our heart.

In this life,
People should not follow the way or peoples' thought. I just follow my heart because in this life for all time long I'd been into. I just know I forgot something. I'm running for my feelings. I did all this is to achieve the most important thing in my life...

"Happiness"....

and I found one precious happiness,
To be her angel.

Its like a dice. Not all the time you'll get "1"..

There Will Be Love There

2010-06-19T17:08:00.001+08:00

One single soul whisper,

One poor little boy kiss her,

One hunger hunt kills her,

One tear on single pain piss her.~

A pair heart,

One combination of his and her,

An upside down peach,

One single smile of love.

Walk past those decade,

Open eyes and think from the truth,

The view is a lie,

Listen to his/her heart,

What makes you believe?

Her response is a mystery,

His eyes makes you wonder,

Her touch makes you figure,

His kiss stated a message.

The fallen of the year,

A yellow orange beauty,

Like sun sets babe~

Thou shall never stand on the bridge,

When one shall end up falling down,

Two shall beware.

Thou shall be brave to stand on the bridge,

When one shall be the champ,

two shall be the best.

If you ever drops on you knee,

You'll get yourself bleed in pain,

But those pain never kill you,

Because once you get to fall,

You still have the strength to stand up.

The gravity of the earth,

Pull everything to touch the ground,

One thing the gravity didn't do,

It didn't makes our dreams fall to the ground,

Every single day.

Summer falls after the month of fallen,

It ends so soon after memories are framed.

An early year stands decade away from right,

An early sign to grow up little faster,

But not too fast.

Beautiful butterflies,

Capture in motion on the lens,

A photograph under an umbrella,

Doesn't literally shows where we stand.

If the rain will fall any minute,

The cloud gets grey and the weather gets cold,

But it'll rain on a sunny day,

Once the rain start to fall,

The tears is wipe out from the silence,

Nobody is crying,

Only the rain is heard.

If things screwed up,

Its not impossible to fix,

Harshly be able but,

Nothing is impossible.

A desolate smile,

Begging the sun the brighten the space,

But once you stand in the dark,

The only light doesn't appears from where it supposed to,

Where it comes?

That'll be different from one another.

One thing for sure,

There will be love there...

"Stop" ~ "No"

2010-06-12T12:08:00.000+08:00

When everyone in the same condition with me you all might think the same thing, the same way too. Especially to your love one, you'll be in the same condition. Have you ever think about a distance away from him/her? Have you ever wonder what is she/he doing? Have you ever wonder how is she/he? Okay? Fine? Sick? Fever? Or whatever it is... Too many too list all of them. When one single call on the phone, you start smiling when you listen to her/his voice. One single text message, you start smiling when you when them. Isn't that amazing? You'll be less worry and your heart feel cold and calm. Not even a pitch of obsession.

A photograph~

One printed glossy paper, a piece of card or a frame of picture. You start looking at your love's one photograph. On the cellphone staring it as if like she/he was there with you. I have to agree, cause I'm feeling the same way. You start missing her/him. You start to write her/his name on a piece of paper. One single thing you should know, those name that written and those photograph that looked. Its an appreciation~

One Silent Whispering Melody~

Guitar playing a love song,

Sweet sound of romance from the lips,

One heart miss another,

Listening to a single kiss.

Bored?~

Not bored to be together. Not bored to be far away. Not bored to be alone. Just missing. Bored is a loneliness too. You feel very sad without her/him. When she/he appears in front appear in front of you. All the sadness will never be remember.

The smell of her hair,

The touch of her hand,

The kiss of her lips,

The warm of her hug,

The flare of her eyes,

And lastly,

The love of her heart.

"Stop!" ~

I hate to say goodbye. Let's just skip the goodbye. Let sadness send the message. I'll be far away and silent unheard for barely a week. Until the upcoming Friday. I'll be missing her a lot. How I wish something call by and cancel the plan. Let it falls on the other day. Skip it.... Stop! No... I wanna stay~

and

"NO!"

I'll never forget you. All the second on my trip. She'll be on my mind. The only girl that I ever had. The girl that makes me smile and laugh out loud. An ink of happiness that comes from the bottom of like, admire that leads to love, heart~ No!...

I'll be wondering the day I won't be around. What will she do to spend her time? Is she going out? Is she playing around? Sleeping? Haha... Anyway, dear....

P.N. : Hope you are completely recover from your sick. Get well soon. Take care... Love you~

*Hug and kiss,

Liz~ : I miss you...

Something Nice but Simple

2010-06-11T18:16:00.000+08:00

It might be simple,
It could be nice,
It could be nicely simple,
Or might be simply nice.

It might be adorable,
It could be stupid,
It could be adorably stupid,
Or might be stupidly adorable.

It might be harsh,
It could metal,
It could be harshly metal,
Or might be mentally harsh.

All single note combine. Just doesn't make sense.

And maybe,
There is no more maybe. Probably not. Still, not change anything.

A pace to death,
A note of goodbye,
A place to left,
A road to go die.

It could be simple. Simply simple. Simply nice. Well its nicely simple but hey? Do I find its nicely simply?
Not really?

The sun shines bright all days long. Today it goes brighter for everyone to go out there and grab some fun. Meet friends, spending time with family or date out with your love one. The garden is delighting. A beauty of desolated loneliness. Unseen but hidden under our shadow. One single piece of note.

Happy Summer Break~

June's Holiday Break

2010-06-01T01:10:00.001+08:00

~~A Shadow Town~~
What so good bout leaving a 'home'. My holiday? Not much than a sad photograph. That framed inside a small shutter from the camera. A memory that passes through the lens of truth where people could see the truth. I wonder if there is another day for a better tomorrow? Or a better tomorrow? What is holiday actually helps me? Sketching a smile? Being with your beloved family. Running and chasing with your siblings at the park. or maybe. just being there with your love one cuddling each other. Ain't that beautiful and our sunburn comes. No matter how much. Nothing to regret than that single photograph. Framed with a sweet laugh and cry. With emotion. You get to see. The world is touching your heart. Another word I prefer for me saying is,

Jealousy...

In my parent's yard. I used to be that little boy. Who always move around with a broken a leg. I don't care the way I am. I have this handicapped chest here in between my chest and abs. When you put your hand on and take a feel you can feel how not normal is it but hey. It won't make any difference than myself. I'm still me. That guy. The only guy with the name Liz. In this street and town. Maybe there are more but I don't know who. Cause it doesn't matter. It makes no difference cause we are a person. My mom told me how unsuitable I am studying in the class that I not literally deserve to be in but hey. A little warrior kinda need more support. All this warrior received is more like dog. Sometime I wasn't able to control my emotion. I was just guided by my condition. Teacher told me emotion must be control. However, being a teacher isn't hard too but do you actually get everything here? There might be obvious but hey. I don't need advice. Advice shows a sympathy and I don't need that. Its really okay for me.

Appreciation?
In my life dad used to teach me how to keep things like keeping their own wife. I treasure one single gift from got above. Myself... :) ....

Maybe my body or legs aren't perfect there. Maybe my look isn't great enough but hey. I'm being thankful I still be able to live in an average condition. Nobody is perfect right. that would be a life if I say yes. My parents sometime they aren't on my side. Not all the time. They not gonna support literally all my decision. All that matter is the consequence for them. I know it too because I think before I did something. I didn't make a rush on it because I know... I'm slow as a slow walker. And I'm not embarrassed bout my condition anymore. Nothing to be embarrassed of. Its quite more embarrassing to God if we end up found dead at the edge of nothing... A senseless kill. Poor ungodly soul. Not even a pity I'll lay on it. Just I'm touched by the strength and guts to do it. However, it still stupid to think of it.

Its kinda unfair?
Lets think about those without legs and arms? Do they even kill themselves. No because they are still God's great big family. One poor little girl asked......

'What do they use with their legs? If I can use mind and again. I'll work hard to score for another point for the best I can.'

Is it fair for her for suffered hard without even being copied the attitude... Sad wasn't it. Yeah. Totally. Like that little girl.. Sadder... Worse. What if I'm her? Will I ever gonna suffer that way? The morning you got up. Your legs and arms couldn't help you to move. Only your soul... Ain't that pathetic? Ow yeah maybe... but hey. Come think of it. Can you do that. Can you suffer for her respect? Shows that she wasn't alone suffer in pain.

Poor things I heard... Tears over the street. Haunting over the edge of a line. Where you see those people didn't understand you or speak to you. All they could do is tossing a million dollar bill shows no respect than an insult of the status. That poor little thing is still a person. Shows some respect or the others will stand together according to their rank and status. Money ain't about love. Respect... Priceless...

What is a holiday break? Another rock or sword to break heart worse and worse? Where is the holiday that I can take a break from all the pain and tears? Where is the holiday if my smile is covered by emotion? Where is the holiday... If I couldn't see any melody played free as it suppose to.

What is a holiday really is?

Nothing much than a sad photograph to be remember. ~

"If gun & bullets speak no mercy. Can tears & blood speak no sympathy? "
Liz~

Holiday... Early Summer

2010-05-27T18:17:00.006+08:00

So its the final day of the test. Finally examination is over. Totally great. Just great after 2 weeks suffer from that shit. However its not quite impressive. I know teacher. I'm doing suck. My apology. Nothing to do with my life. Its all about myself being arrogant and lost. I hate the condition of the test and completely ruin my studies. See how suck I'm doing. I bet I couldn't make it pass again this time. I'm ready for your lecture. Blame all you like... I'll be pretending as heartless... Probably.~

So hey... The evening today. Not much to do. Just have a sit at a restaurant nearby. Missing my girl over there. Tomorrow she'll be on a trip to somewhere else. Later then, I have a vacation. Miss her so much already. Hopefully there is time for us to meet during this break. I've been looking at her picture and dear... That smile never change whenever you're there by my side. In this moment. I learned something. That I'm very lucky that I belong to an angel sent from God above for me to love. I appreciate every single piece of her and happy every time she's just next to me. Everyday I feel love with her. My eyes was seduced to her heart. Permanently there. Lost interest for any other girl anymore. My heart was cursed by her love. Always her... And always hers.

What's up with personality? Look? Appearance? Behavior?

Its doesn't matter. Love isn't about the beauty of the rose. Its how the seed grows. Like a phrase said...

'Once you love the ugliest of him or her. It makes no sense that they shouldn't be together. ' by ... Forgot....

But my girl is a beautiful person. In side... Delighted... Out side. She has a beautiful look too. However, one quarter of my love is only to her look. The rest is about the person, her... That's more important because I love her from the person. That angel. Framed in a piece of photograph that I called love. Everyone deserve to love. Perfection comes from the heart when both couldn't see the ugliest of the person. All they could see is how perfect that person is. Then, you found a true love... Don't ever let it go and I'll never let her go. Let her sleep wrapped by my arms. I'll stay out the night watching and protect the princess of mine. Let her feel safe and special all the time... Always do. Yeah for the rest of my life.. Let me be there without even care of whatever people think. Love is our own fantasy. Our world. That belongs to us. :) ...

Friends? Only a quarter of the number. Who will be standing by my side like right now. Where are the others? Gone somewhere else? Or... Don't remember me at all... It doesn't matter. You are still a friend of the digits....

What's important is... I'll be there living life of love. Which comes up with LOL ... In a better way. *Smile...

My heart, is your heart. My love, is your love.

P.S. Happy holiday and Jen ... I love you .. Miss you a lot. *hug & kiss ~

Liz~

Romance of Love~

2010-05-23T16:51:00.000+08:00

Romance of love?
So many undiscovered true romance. Romance isn't just about giving flower or chocolate to a partner. Its about how honestly behave to your love one. Even writing a book for your love one can be romantic. Romantic to another guy is like doing something adorably idiot but as the matter of fact. Its not. It shows how much you care her or him more than yourself. Also shows you are willing to give your love one everything. However, everything? Be careful about that. Another partner is the key to make it goes well... Appreciation. It all need appreciation to give the partner confidence. Without it, they will feel stupid and regret it. However, no one shall regret it. Its worth being daring for a girl. I'm willing to.

Romance is the vein of love. Its a blood travels into a graduated level so things would working out way better than before. Love is like. Adoring someone you really wanna spend the rest of your life with without even doubling your heart. Having an affair or loving two person at a time show how greedy that person and also how least is that person love until can share it into two. That's not love. That's the worst thing...

Romance is always a fantasy of a couple. Its the most fantastic thing any couple would had in their very own way. I see how sexy, adorable and sweet things are. The sweetest thing my love ever did to me was the time when she wrapped her arms over one of my arm and leaning on my shoulder. I learnt that there is someone who adores me and giving me a tape of this broken heart. Wait. My heart never broke. It just started to born. With my precious love's one heart.

An unexpected kiss on my cheek. I was shut by the window of silence. I'm breathless. As time starting to be count. I was literally silence at the moment. I was amazed by my only girl who adores me so much and I bet she knows how much I adore her too. She's been there. Permanently remains mine in my only heart that can be sit in for one and only girl who deserves it. Finally, there isn't a space anymore. She takes the seat and laying there with her loveliness. Sweetheart I was comforted in your arms. I felt like I could close my eyes and whenever I wake up... You'll be there in the frame of my eyes. Smiling sweetly with the winds in your hair. I combed it with my fingers and its silky soft like your skin. Your body keep me warm and special whenever I was fenced by your arms.

Romance?
Everything she did to me. Is totally sweet and romantic. Her sparkling eyes. I can see how much stars of mine in her deep brown eyes. There a sincere stare on my eyes. A contact of her sweetest blushed. Deep inside. I'll always in there.

Love?
Is an inspiration. Not just a relationship that eliminates my single status. Its that how I open my door for someone to be with me. Yeah, I already have someone. The only one.

I'll never let her go a single inch from me. She is the most variable thing in my life. The orbs of happiness. The ink to sketch my smile. The oxygen for me to breath. And lastly...

The love that makes me feel special... Appreciated.

P.S. *Hug & kiss... Muahx... I love you dear.~

Heart,
Liz~

The Middle Of May~

2010-05-18T18:27:00.000+08:00

I love adventure. I believe I'm strong. All the impossible I believe its nothing to me. When it comes to the edge. What's wrong poor little boy? Are you afraid.

No?

Actually. no... I'm not afraid to try. I'm just scared... I'm afraid someday when I did something. I'll lost something too...

A friend of mine called me perfect. My perfection is always a mystery. No I'm not. I have a scar on my back, cancer on my skin, broken knee on the left and also deep voice that destroy my voice. What's the perfection is about? I felt pathetic...

Nobody is perfect. However love is my perfection. Its the battery of my day that keeps me strong and happy. I never know the definition of happiness. All I know is...

'I should keep trying to find my happiness.'

Down on my camera lens. I saw my patient. Not literally, I'm still impatient. From the shutter and the frame. I guess its obvious there is a missing spot. The smile. No I can't smile. If I can't I won't smile. I'll be honest.~ When I do. Then, I sincerely just did. So many things over my head. All shows I've been rushing in some kind of craze. What the hell is that? My lesson. Study... Photography? No, I have it. Just there are things touch my head to the surface of a puzzle. My teacher told me I have a negative issue. That I'm not easy to be understand. I just wonder... Is it?

Can anybody understand my words? Literally? Or just had the image but don't get the point. No I have a point there. Its obviously stated. Maybe it takes a little more harder to understand but here is the things. Its all related t me and people around me. The fantastic frame of life into every eyes that I saw. There is this sparkling eyes I couldn't forget. Her eyes.... Amazing. ~ She got me lost into it.

Her touch,
I'm comforted and happy. I'm glad. I'm thankful. I'm... Everything.

There is a wing in a battle.
Where all man shall stand their feet for their country.

The battlefield, they spoke the language as a warrior. No mercy. No friendship. No rules. No religion.
Its a war. Stop it.

"Poor little boy. Blind to see the world.
Poor little boy. Deaf to hear the life.
Poor little boy. Eliminate by bullets.
I dream. There is no guns and weapons.
No war." -Liz~

Love? Relationship?
Love and relationship are two things. It shows a level. From a love lead to relationship. Or maybe the opposite. Love couldn't be answer sometime. Not all love are perfect. When a couple love one another so much. Just them. That'll be perfect.

Relationship?
For the word of lust? Cheating? Hook-up?
All these just another senseless note. That couldn't be done or eliminate... Just on a repetitive note. but hey? Human can change right? Just doesn't sense. If human is able to change. Of course but not a lot of them... Can the broken heart be fix? Is there gonna be another chance to tape their heart? Do you feel that... Guilt? I don't know. I come from an unknown past. A deep shadow that nobody could accept me. After I found this light. Here I'm standing as a good person. I always wanna be that. Maybe I did took the wrong pace but hey. Peoples accept me the way I am without even knowing my past and even with them who know. Its like a new trend...That is accepted by those who loves funky style...

I used to be the punk in the street. Not that punk where they made a definition as we are trash. No we are not. We just hate rules. Freedom is a blood in our 'life'. I used to be that. Maybe now I changed a lot. For the past friends that walk on the same journey with me. Where are you now? Do you notice the differences? Or maybe... I'm getting less important. Actually yeah I am. But it doesn't matter. All person have their journey. What we've been planning before is a funny journey. I couldn't forget that we are totally dreamers who dream in their dream.

Its the week of examination going. I'm totally sleeping and relaxing. Advices doesn't totally work on me. I'm just walking and walking... And walking... What am I trying to achieve? Why am I stopping from a dream. Why I don't care? Why must I?

I want my freedom. Its been missing lately... Sadly. No... Not really. I can live this way. I'll appreciate this fantastic time. And.... happy teacher's day...... I'm sorry for skipping my work. Not entering class because I have activities. Sorry if my work is just a photocopy machine. Lastly...

Sorry,
For saying I don't like teachers. Its because they have broken into my privacy. However, happy teacher's day. God bless you all. On my knee I promised... To be better after holiday's break. You have my word. You can trust me...

P.S. I miss you dear. After this 2 weeks. We'll have our time together again :). Love you.
Hug & kiss,
-Liz~

It Wasn't A Dream

2010-05-13T17:04:00.001+08:00

When I got up from my bed after a sweet dream... Scared, sad, happy and a lot of expression... Here is the thing...

It wasn't about a dream.

Her touch. It makes me realize. I'm alive and should live longer. I stated it there. I found my treasure. Something very important to me. The girl I wanna spend the rest of my life with, Her~

From a hug. A word of 'yes!'. To be my partner. I started to think and be more ready. What if it was a dream? I'll be crying the time when I got up or I'll be praying I never got up from my sleep. Didn't expect. It wasn't a dream. Not my fantasy.... Not even my fantasy. Its all real. Her touch. I believe it...

Until today. She's being wrapped by my arms. I feel very happy and each day my love keep getting deeper goes deeper. I'm in so deep. Couldn't describe it but she's the only girl I could tell how much I love her. In my entire love.. There wasn't a girl I love this way before. Its all because of perfection on look. Right now I understand. What's the definition of love is about. Ain't about popularity, personality, appearance or even perfection. She's very perfect for me. Maybe she didn't realize. She's my perfect love.

Here is the thing,
Its not a dream. I was just in an extreme shocked. What I expect... Just happened way better than I thought. She's amazing. Just that I'm still dreaming in my own fantasy. Right now I realize. After a long time still... Its not a dream. I'm very happy :) . Luck of love stand by me right now. Thank you~

Her loveliness... An inspiration. I was falling extremely deep for her heart. Her touch. I could fall asleep over her wrapping arms.

*Its a short post. Not much time I could type dear.

P.S. Muahx~ Love you...

Liz~

Things To Be Check? Unfairness?

2010-05-09T13:26:00.002+08:00

Here is the thing I saw with my eyes. Not literally... Sort of. Now here is the thing. ~~Unfairness conclusion?~~

Just doesn't make sense.

All things here in life state all over the world. Things are equal. However, it always unfair. Kidz don't have the right to voice out loud. Elder gets the power and strength to earn the good. Some certain note for the page on this pace. Just doesn't make any sense. It shows a selfishness and arrogance of a person who trying to be competitive and to earn the 'right'. Too bad the things about the 'right' is. It just another senseless justice. Did I mention justice? Don't get it wrong. The word just not suitable for this condition. We always wanted something real bad but do they know that number doesn't actually shows a position or right to stand on? By?

Just doesn't make sense...

How unfair is it to be judge wrongly from the number of age? As if like this guy is older a year than this little girl so this girl is labeled as an idiot. Is it true that way? Late December on Christmas's Eve. About gift from 'Santa Claus' or parents. Jealousy counted from the difference between ages and prices of the gift. Must an older person deserves something way more expensive as the length of the age? They don't understand younger person because according to the state of age. Elder knows better and younger still learning. The note of the day could only be noted saying 'I hate this & that..!' I wonder how many voices are there. Whispering as desperate as an 'obsessive ball' in Baseball. Here is the things. May I hear something more important?

This little boy trying tell his mum about something. Trying to do something nice with a single thing... Like surprise. Too bad mum said. "It just an excuse... Old trick." Fall those tears to that little boy face and there it goes. They started to call you 'over acting'. Before the time you get to start. You start to think about what will they say and then you started to get mad and there it goes... You think they will hate you.

Mum?
Always loves her child. Doesn't matter how bad her child is... When your time gets close to the pace of death. They started to think about taking your place. Let them receive the death but not you. You are still young & idiot. Now you realized how stupid you'd been. Here is the thing. You deserve a second chance. Too bad mum couldn't replace you position now.Even your dad too.

(True story by AD Leong)

New year?
2010?
Just a new change. A better change. Ain't about the best but just amazing. I found something really important. My dearest love. The only things where its like a starter of my day. An ink to sketch my smile. She's everything I ask for. Ain't nothing bout the outer perfection but she's a very beautiful girl. Inner? She's an angel sent from God above... For me to love. Thank you. I always appreciate her. Very much with love...

Popularity?
Just who am I now? No one than a school photographer. Lately? There are more than myself already. So I guess I'm getting less needed as a photographer. However when it comes to a big event. Important and special. I was placed number as the head. I just wonder... How am I suppose to look without my camera?

April?
Finally it all over. Still... All those work never leave me alone. I started to ignore what teachers said and go on my own way which just keep being patience with all the words. So I won't be eaten by their words. I just know that I can't be what they want. Its all about the works given. I don't have the time. I hate the works given. It always killing me to think. If only the works would be less and less. I could settle the other things first. Maybe I might start up and be more hardworking to sharp my fingers & skill. Too bad... Works getting more & more. I could just settle and keep doing the past work. Where am I now?

In the back of forward. Sort of idiot? Totally. I'm young & stupid. That's what they think about me. I know nothing more than just complaining. I wasn't even complaining... I just trying to be broad & open for sharing my feelings as what I am. My life isn't about a beautiful happiness or fantasy.

My life story?
Is just about how hard for me to be happy. All I know in my life is keep trying to be happy. I learnt to smile but I'm still sad it wasn't sincere enough. However something made me happy. Drawn me an unpredictable smile... Love.

Love?
She made me smile.
She made me happy.
She made me do crazy things.
She gave me strength to be strong.
She's an inspiration.
She's everything.
One part of my heart.

A quarter of friends. I not quite know them but when you get close to them... I learnt that not every people that have something bad are completely disaster. How bad is that person you think. You should know how nice they are actually. I just saw with my naked eyes. I state myself right now. I'm a quarter from right.

My life isn't about perfection. See under my shadow. This is my life. I never regret for it. See how suck is it but even how suck it is... I still happy and think its amazing,... Love, career & friends. What's better than avoiding the pain that destroy your happiness? You deserve it. Ignore those shits. Nothing is perfect. Be happy for what you had & be patient for what killing you~

Liz~

Hopeless Cry?

2010-05-06T15:51:00.000+08:00

Looking into the mirror... I saw myself. This is who you are. Remember who you are~

Recently I just flow back to my shadow from the past. I was controlled by emotion. Some part that touch my jealousy, anger & emotion. I started to forget who am I...

My powerless hand. Was controlled by the strength of my shadow. Darkness kept me strong. However, the stinger I'll be melted with. The worse the ending would be. A silent night with sound of a pace. Walking toward... And forward. Lately its getting closer. My craziness.

I'm searching for death. Sort of a pace to hell. I was guided by emotion. Nothing more but not myself. That girl of my love. Was there in the same spot. I was melted by the touch of love. I trust her more than I know. I always trust her love for me. There are like thousands of curse out there. I'm that poor little guy standing over those shadow. I fear those pace. I fear it. The more it gets closer.. I'm afraid of looking at the mirror.

'Who is that Liz? Is that gotta be you?'

My hand holding my own fist. Trying to fight my own mandiness of fighting. I'm not strong but I'm angry. All those anger could change myself. To that desperate little monster. Scream of emotion, red eyes of anger & poor sadness, shivering cold fist of craziness and poor little heart of a warrior.

Fight! Fight! FIGHT!

A voice whisper in my heart. Don't ever let your honor fall disrespected that way. However, ignorance would have keep everything quiet.... and yes... I just did.

I suffer the pain. A real big change in my life. Still...

I'm that little warrior who keep fighting by stepping away from the past. I just did. I could done it with my weak heart of love. My heart is always loosing its strength for her. She makes me feel like the wind.

I'm playing for her attention. Every time I get to see her smile. I just feel great and happy.

Some certain things. I still don't get myself. I'm tired and suffering from this wondering mind. Why am I acting this way? I'm confuse and clueless... Totally.Publish Post

P.S. I miss you dear~

Love & kiss,
Liz~

New Month? I Wanna Make Wish

2010-05-01T16:32:00.001+08:00

Over years that past. I never know if there is a word I can hold on. Over days that gone, I never know what ever regret with. Over the time that past. I started to think that actually we all won't regret anything if it all goes well. If it suck down to the bottom of your feet then you'll be like why... Why does it all goes this way? However, I believe a thing. That however suck it is. There will be something better to arrive and it'll change your mind.

What am I trying to wish?

Or what am I wishing for?

I don't expect sympathy or pity but I thank you for everything. I'm man enough to understand. I'm just a person with a weak heart that was control by its emotion. Well, that little person is always me. Whether they like me, or opposite? I still don't understand. Why? Maybe I'm just too sensitive & blindly judge? or maybe my words are totally mean to stab someone real bad? Or maybe?...

Maybe...

It doesn't matter ~

How I always wish my time could slow a little slower and skip a little faster. I'm selfish. Of course for myself. However I never forget about being patient. I might be impatient but still I can be what I say.

Hrm?

Its cold out there. Is it going to rain? I don't know. Here is a poem I wrote...

'Gaze into her eyes,

I saw an angel melts me down,

An angel sent from God above,

For me to love,

And lights up my spirit.

The door of my heart,

Will always widely open,

There,

Those beautiful flare,

Could be seen sharply exposed,

There,

Those lights vertically lights down,

To the ground of journey,

There,

It all started.

At the bottom line,

There,

I could see myself,

As a little boy,

Telling myself,

That I shall cry no more.

May those dark shadow falls,

By the time it gets to start,

But this little warrior,

Fallen by its heart,

Staying away from himself,

But turning into something way better than this.'

*Thou shall know,

There always gotta a chance,

A sincere heart,

God will listen...

Here is my wish...

Stated here 4.30 PM by the first day of the month, May.

"May" I start up with the month of May.

"May" I request a permission.

"May" The month of an unpredictable soul.

"may"...

I wish starting from today...

I could be better and better.
I could be stronger and stronger.

I could be...

As long as emotion won't get the board to rule my life~

Sunday's Road

2010-04-25T11:03:00.000+08:00

I woke up early at 8,
Finally today seems a lot cold,
And quiet from all those noise,
Those bikes and also those fights,
Around the street,
Gosh I hate it.

Today lot more better. An opening of the day and finally I can take a break from work and shits. Damn. Totally locked and finally free once again and for a while I'll be going to be in those cage where there is no way out and dear, I miss you so much.

Sunday?
Isn't my favorite day. I don't quite like Sunday or even Saturday because I'll be staying at home. Seriously I'm not that free person. Plus, I got no ride or anything and no friend asking me out. How I wish I could spend my weekday at the park or beach. My favorite day is Monday and Friday. Monday there is a lot of entertaining on TV called 'Monday night laugh and Friday I there is a Friday's prayer in my religion where I could clear my mind and calm myself down.

Sometime Sunday is the best day. Early morning I could listen to the birds singing and beautiful morning view. People wake up late here. Mostly.. Well I use wake up very early on the morning and sit at my house's balcony. Take a break there and enjoy the freshing air and cold wind. Singing birds. And its been a while I didn't post poem so I hope you all will like it.

'Sunday morning,
A guitar to play on,
A song to sing with,
A day to breath free.

Singing birds,
Cute couple and group,
Over the sky flying around,
Over the street of my town.

Gaze upon the sky,
Kiss the wind of love,
Touch over our skin,
Where a felt of hold occur.

The eyes of my heart,
Can't see what's beauty,
Over the mask of a person,
But I just saw,
An angel...
Belongs to me.

I dream of us,
Living in our fantasy,
I saw a blind future,
True or not?
I could just pray it'll come true.

The silent typewriter,
Cry out a silence tears,
Unheard and shut,
From its emotion.

Insatiable thoughts,
A desolate sky,
Rain shall be fall,
It'll touch the ground.

The time couldn't stop working,
As if there is a miles of journey,
Pause there is second I'll be happier,
How I wish I could stop the time.

Can you here?
There is a song played in my heart.
Can you smell?
The fragrance over your neck.

My soul stay asleep,
I could feel your absence,
I miss you over my days,
And I love you over my life.'

Kids, Some Certain Thing You Need To Know~

2010-04-18T13:43:00.000+08:00

For my younger friends,
Friendship is like a fantastic person to be with. To have fun with. To play with. Here is the thing you need to know. Someday when you all gets older and older you'll see how sensitive they and you yourself will become. Jealousy? Sort of. Fight? Sure things. In this world I learned that there are like limited place or room for a big friendship. Maybe only couple of them could fit in. Maybe right now we use to be with our 30 best friends but look around. How many are there remains to stay? I myself have like hundreds of them. Right now I feel like I only have a couple of them.

Dear friends, No offense.

Sometime I try to talk with some of them. I really want to share something really fantastic I ever felt or something real sad I wanna cry with but then I found that just... It means nothing. I felt like I'm one of the abandon one from the group so I started to stay a distance. Even with my stepsister.. Milya, sorry Milya. How I always wish she could replaces my past one. However, she doesn't deserve the seat. No one could replace it. But no worry, I have someone else who I trust much. Love could understand me better than being in this position.

Ain't that pathetic and selfish? Well yeah I am.

Maybe all this thing I'll never have it. However, I guess that's important too. So I won't be bully anymore. I'll keep on standing the only way I can. I don't need some hand. They are just wasn't sincere enough. I'm sorry.

Mum always said,
'Never trust someone too much because some certain things, just wasn't fervently nice as their deeds.'

And again I'm sorry.
Still think that it sounds selfish? Can you count my apologize? How many are they? And do you ever say one?

I'm weak and sensitive. Now that I got myself here I start to be competitive. Of course. Even you yourself right now. Be honest... I know. You can just put the blame on me. Yes everything about me. I don't wanna win in this battle. Push me aside and stand for yourself. I'll just tap out and surrender. I'll just state here all you say about me is always right... You are always right.. And all my facts are wrong. Well I agree with you. Then you win everything. Why would you wanna compete against me again? Want me to suffer in tears. I already am. Want me to die? Well you should know I'm not stupid to listen. You are not my lord to give me order. Didn't you learn that?

What kind of friend like this?
I wonder...
~~Maybe I was stupid~~. Not to judge someone properly. Fine. Say anything. I don't need friend like this.

I lost my way without them.
Enough is enough. I say that in a pathetic.

I just fervently say,
You are still a friend.

They start to be nice in front of me. But at the back? I could just remain silence and stay out of business. I can't change anyone thoughts. I just can live in my own fantasy.

April Is So Not Cool

2010-04-17T17:05:00.001+08:00

Things?Its been awhile I didn't text her. Totally gone too many hands on works and activities at school. Not even a chance to take a break. I'm exhaust and tired. I didn't sleep for couple of days last Tuesday and Wednesday. Finally I could take a break while checking my phone. Waiting for her to text me while staring at Additional Mathematic's books. Too many things haven't complete. Fuck all. Subjects today? God! Its Saturday. P.S. I miss you dear~

Friends?
If only I could stay a bit longer I might understand but if I stay long. I might already hurts someone from their front. I rather just keep a distance even I might look selfish. I rather be known as any shit but I still think the same way. I'm avoiding all that from happening. Get on the bus lets take a trip. Gone nowhere than here.

Life?
I'm completely clueless and feeling like my soul has gone somewhere else. Where are all those sweet words from my great friends? Are they even miss me in this distance so far? My phone are filled with empty text from them. Where are you all now and how you guys doing lately? I'm sort of lost and you guys are like the heart for me to think. Now I've been loosing myself and walking in love. It gave me a strength but I can't think the same way as you guys anymore. Well yeah, I guess I was replaced by somebody else. Which might be better person than me. But don't worry about me. I still can live here alone with my dearest love. She's always there to light my days. However, I still looking forward to hang out with you all again. Still remember?

Music & Love?
Have you ever hear me play guitar before? I would be boo by now if I play the same way again. Till this year I was amazed by my girlfriend and I started to strum better and plug better until I get to play like this. I called it, the melody inspired by love.

School?
Always some piece of shit where I couldn't miss from stepping. Horrible. Ain't that pathetic? At school I couldn't learn to think but I was controlled from thinking by the school. They help me to think. Wasn't helpful at all. Why must they take my life away? Why I can't live like how I used too? Why do I have to listen to them? Why can't I just be myself? and why do they want me to be what they always wanted? Why why why? Why should I? Why must I? There are like hundreds of why in my mind. I had enough and just leave my life alone before you get to see me in a different way. You will never know how I can curse your life. Leave my life alone. Gimme a break from rules. I'm totally pathetic already. Thank you in a polite way!

Liz?
I'm tired and clueless of thinking. What should I do now? There this noisy mind couldn't stay quiet. May I just go break the wall of stress? Why is there so many work haven't done and why must all done at a time? I caught fever almost a weak already. Now I'm feeling better and better. Actually, not literally... I'm getting more tired of works and already kick all of them like trash. Still my responsible right? I will complete it... How stupid. Don't blame me for saying this but I felt like a dog taking order from its person. How stupid am I? Don't have to be sorry because I'm a heartless dog to you. Fine. I won't take a break and do whatever you ask. But if I couldn't give a great quality just shut up and don't complain. I wish I could be the best for you but all things I do always wrong and a waste of time in your eyes. Yeah, totally idiot. I fervently say this.

April?
I guess there is no time for me to think too. I was captured deep in this darkness over my own shadow. Where is the way to get out? My responsible. I can't even stay out of trouble. Because I was shut down by this hole of breathless note. Where is my wings?

Dear,
You don't have to worry much about all this. I didn't start it all but I wanna stop it. There is no way to stop it. Can't be stop. They are the control device to stop it. No way they wanna stop that way and think broadly. How unfair is that? or whatever. Love you much and I just can't wait for June holiday's break. Just us living on grass with cold wind and beautiful sun light. How fantastic is that? All those shit walk away and just us and our friends that been so nice for us.

Photograph?
I lost my inspiration from school, teachers and works. How can I take nice photograph again? They ruin my inspiration. I'm tired because of works... Too many. See my eyes. They are red in color and totally blur in motion. I can barely stay awake but fall by the time when lesson going on.

Popularity?
Nothing much important. Its completely useless. I don't need them anymore. Wasn't helpful at all.